My Nephew is a Poodle

Geeking Out with...Elyse Schuerman

2012-01-13T17:25:00.000-05:00

[“GeekingOut with…” is a series of interviews with well-known, highly experiencedimprovisers. It’s a chance to talk about stuff that might interest onlyhardcore, improv dorkwads. The piece below is the extended, full-frontalgeek-out version of this interview. If you’d like to read the more compactversion, please visit the Womenin Comedy Festival blog.]

Elyse Schuerman is one of the managerial wonders behind the Women in Comedy Festival,which has grown exponentially each year thanks to the efforts and good karma ofElyse and her co-producers and festival creators Michelle Barbera and Maria Ciampa.Elyse’s improv comedy roots are planted firmly in the fertile soil of ImprovBoston, where she worked asManaging Director from 2003-08. In addition, Elyse has been an ImprovBoston Mainstage cast member since 1999, performed in a vast number of show there (such as Bluescreen, Comedia d'ell High School, BackStory, and Gorefest I-V), directed (Micetro, UnNatural Selection, Trail Mix), as well as taught improv to students lucky enough to learn underher sweet, knowledgeable and generous tutelage.

An IB romance got legal when Elyse married improviser and teacher extraordinaire DonSchuerman. Three years ago, they joined the IB procreation parade with the birthof their first child, and just a few months ago their son joined the ranks ofsure-to-be-funny IB babies. In order to accommodate our crazymother-comedian-everything else schedules, Elyse and I sandwiched our improvgeek out session during a stolen hour on a Tuesday morning as the newborn onher lap held an animated discussion with the ceiling fan and as Imonitored the studies of my 15-year-old homeschooled son via Google chat andthe old-fashioned method of hollering upstairs. The hurried, hilarious experienceseemed profoundly apt as that rush-rush-improvise-rush-rush tempo is what beingan improv comedian mother is all about.

Pam Victor: So I've been up every two hours for thelast couple nights with our new puppy. I think between your late-night nursingand my late-night puppy-petting, this sleep-deprived interview should beinteresting!

Elyse Schuerman: Agreed!

Pam: I'm always interested in howpeople found improv - or how improv found them. When did you first get into it?Was it love at first sight?

Elyse: I saw a show at the SAKComedy Lab in Orlando while I was incollege in Florida during a theater festival, and it was amazing. It was aTheatresports-style show and the performers were great. I also remember an episode of Reading Rainbow that had Second City or something like that onthe show. As a kid, I thought that was pretty cool. I got involved with IB[Improv Boston] through a friend/co-worker who got into Theatresports.

Pam: ReadingRainbow? So Geordi La Forge turned you on to improv?


This is Elyse. She is nice.

Elyse: Exactly.

Pam: I can see how you would be powerless in the face of that.Resistance is futile. (That's a Star Trekjoke that I would expect you to be too cool to get.)

Elyse: Ha! Oh, I have seen my share of Star Trek. We all have a little innernerd, don't we?

Pam: Particularly improvisers.

Elyse: Yes!

Pam: So in college you were exposed to improv, but you didn'tstart taking classes until you got to Boston?

Elyse: Well, I never "took a class.” Itwas 1999 and IB was looking to cast some women. My friend Kristy, who was involved there,told me about auditions. I think before that, they were in need of a techperson for a show one night, so I volunteered since I could operate a lightboard...especially an eight channel light board. (Inner geek.) So, I had donetech once, seen her perform a couple of times, and then went in to audition. Iwas a theater major, so I had done some improv games.

Pam: (Um, saying "eight channel light board" with thatkind of pride, sweet'ums, that ain't *inner* geek, I'm afraid. Just sayin'.)

Elyse: I made it in along with a few otherladies. We rehearsed twice a week, and I learned a lot from Mat Gagne and RonJones, who were my directors.

Pam: Wow. You must have a natural talent.

Elyse: No natural talent - just a lack oftalent in Boston at the time. There weren't many good places to train, so IBtook the best they could get and molded us. If I had auditioned now, with thesame skill set I had at that time, I would not have made it in. That is a fact.I wouldn't have made call backs. I didn't know anything about “yes and.” I justplayed big characters - that's all I knew how to do.

Pam: Still, Elyse, I've seen you improvise. You have natural talent.But leads to the question as to whether you think good improvisers are born orcreated?

Elyse: So interesting you ask. I just heard a piece on NPR about this…the gist of the piece was asking how much of talent istruly talent and how much of it is passionate love for a field. I think anyone who is great or even goodhas to really think about it a lot and do it a lot to get good at it. I thinkyou have to have a sense of humor and be pretty good at listening - from there,I think most anyone can do it. Of course not having crippling stage fright isprobably a bonus.

Thanks to LeVar Burton,
Elyse does improv.

Pam: So back to your roots… (Like that LeVar Burton call back?)

Elyse: Yes!

Pam: You're on your first team at IB. How did you get from thatfirst team to working there?

Elyse: I was on the B team at the time, whichmeant we rehearsed on our own and with the main troupe…and then Will Luera came on as Artistic Director, and that is when things got reallygood at IB. The B team just became a part of the main troupe under Will'sdirection, and attended the Chicago ImprovFestival. I really started to "get it."

Pam: Did you go through the levels at that point or just get yourlearning on the stage?

Elyse: Just from the stage and watching a lotof improv. Both of those things really shaped me. I think workshops are greatin the same way rehearsing is great, but to really become a good performer, youhave to perform - in front of an audience

and a lot.

At my peak I was performing, rehearsing, anddirecting six nights a week.

Pam: I'm drooling.

Elyse: Sometimes seven.

Pam: Ok, now I’m doing more than drool…

Elyse: Sexy improv talk!

All that experience was great and reallytrained me. Again, practice and thinking about it all the time are keys tosucceeding.

Pam: Thinking about what exactly? I mean, what is the angle aboutimprov that connects you to good performing?

Elyse: For me, it was analyzing what madeother performers good. And I talked about it a lot with my roommate at the time,who was also an improviser (and then of course my husband, then boyfriend.) Inaddition, our conversations were like improv games - not all of them, but many. It's hard to turnit off, I think.

Pam: More sexy improv talk.

Elyse: To make it sexier, I will take off mypants...oh wait, there is a sleeping baby on my lap….

I came to realize that commitmentwas really the key to success. No matter what you chose at the top of thescene, hold on to it, like it's your lifeline.

I learned a lot from watching students andthe performers I directed too…and the ones that committed were the best. Andcommitment also means, "If that's true, what else is true?" So, ifyou start as a pirate and your scene partner sets you up in an office, you findall the ways to be a pirate there. After being disgusted by the copy machine,you throw it overboard, you ask for your paycheck in gold coins, etc.

Also, always be a pirate.

(No, don't really. Pirates are so five yearsago.)

Pam: LOL! I’ve had the incredibly good fortune of working with WillLuera, who has greatly influenced my improv abilities. From Will, I learned tovalue taking time to develop relationship in my scene work. Can you talk abouthow you approach relationship?

Elyse: Relationships are important too, and not just with people,but with the environment. There is more to work with when performers buildrelationships.

That was my biggest objection to the little UCB [Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theatre] styleI have seen/trained with: they tend to focus so much on "the game"that at times it's like watching someone solve a math problem. It's excitingand good to see how smart and funny they are, but some thing often seemslacking in the shows...the really good performers of their style addrelationships to the scenes.

Pam: I guess I'm trying to get to the core of your improv skillsset.

Elyse: My skills or bag of tricks are tryingto anchor or commit at the top. And try to complement my scene partners onstage. (It’s hard to totally step out and judge my mad skills.)

Will is definitely a huge influence on mystyle…that being my sexy Mexican American look.

Pam: So you bring up the interesting current dichotomy betweenUCB-style improv and other comedy theaters. It seems to me that each majortheater has its own take on improv philosophy. How would you describe as thecore of the ImprovBoston style?

Elyse: For years, it was a blend of manytheaters, and now I think Will has pushed a more theatrical approach withshowcase shows, with his focus on relationships, etc. The curriculum is evolving(in workshops) to reflect more Harold work, which is good, I think. I don't really enjoy Harolds to perform orwatch, but I love what they teach.

Pam: I always think of The Harold as ballet. It's a necessary coreto learn. But personally I prefer to jazz dancing...

Elyse: Exactly!

Pam: ...and anything done to the soundtrack of Flashdance.

Elyse: Any correlation to jazz dancing has tobe accurate. Harolds make you listen deeply, explore theme while not thinking toohard on it, and discover as an ensemble. All of that is important, so I thinkit's a good piece of the curriculum.

Pam: ImprovBoston seems to me to be a theater that really values thecontributions of female comedians. At least from my outsider’s perspective, thetheater seems to be very successful in balancing women and men on stage, andthe whole environment there is very unified and cohesive. First of all, do youagree? And secondly, if so, how did the theater get to that place?

Elyse: I totally agree, though I don't thinkit worked too hard to do it. I think more and more ladies started takingclasses and shined just as much as the men (per capita). And then they juststarted coming into the casts. I think Will, Don [Schuerman], Matt Mosher andmy other IB contemporaries were so open to diversity too. They didn't just castpeople they were friends with.

(Hang on…baby crying.)

Pam: Sure.

Maybe it was just dumb luck, but I think we need to give IB somecredit for making the theater a welcoming place for women. There are sometheaters where women feel more valued, and some where they don't. I think therehas to be some basic managerial decision - or something - that makes a theatermore diverse in gender, culture and race.

Elyse: That's true. I know we were very awareof how troupes were stacked. We all wanted to see equal balance in the genders;but as more ladies performed, more were taking classes and getting in totroupes. I think now it's just a fact that 50% of the folks who audition andare good are women.

Pam: Let’s talk about being a mom who improvises. Several yearsago, I saw the absolutely sweetest scene you and your husband, Don, didtogether. You were in the last month or two of your first pregnancy. You guyswere playing a (not pregnant) couple who were dancing romantically in a verysmall bathroom.

I see a lot of improv, Elyse, but I think I’ll always rememberthat scene because it was so real and precious. Also, as an improviser who haskids, I brought to the viewing my own experience on how motherhood changes awoman’s availability to improvise, and the scene became even more touching tome because I knew improv was going to change for you once you had your firstbaby. Now you've just had your second munchkin. How have you experienced thatchange?

Elyse: It does change you in some ways. It'sharder to do shows/rehearse as often, so you aren't always on your game. I justcan't be there as much, and I can't see as much, so I can feel my confidenceand skills start to droop a bit.

But it's okay. I still want improv in mylife, but I have other priorities now. It's especially hard when they are solittle.

Pam: I wonder if you’ve found motherhood to expand and enhancesome elements in your improv toolkit?

Elyse: Well, I do it quite a bit of improvduring the day. I am usually a witch or wicked queen when Greta (my 3 year old)is around.

Pam: Hah!

Elyse: I still don't wince at scenes thatshow silly cruelty to kids or babies, like, "Daddy left because of you."

I think I can listen better in some ways, too.I spend a lot of the day listening to my daughter, working, cooing at the baby,whatever. But maybe I'm slowly declining from not focusing on one task at atime?

Pam: And do you mind if we talk for a minute about what it’s liketo improvise with your spouse? Is it easier or harder than working with afriend?

(BTW, I have 15 min. before I have to drive my 15 year old to his piano lesson,so I'll try to shoot out the questions as quickly as possible).

Elyse: For us it was easier. And a joy. Donis so talented, it's hard to feel like a bad improviser in a scene with him.

Pam: Let’s talk about the Women in Comedy Festival! What lead to its creation?

The old-school communication mad skillz of
WICF's Elyse Schuerman, Michelle Barbera, and Maria Ciampa

Elyse: Michelle and Maria proposed it to IBwhen I was Managing Director, and we said yes to producing it. The next year,after I left the Managing Director position, I came on as a third producer. (Iasked to be a part of it, as I totally loved it and the ladies.) It is a greatfestival, and not just for the ladies to perform in. We felt the name wouldattract female performers, and it has, but we are open to both genders. It endsup flipping the usual male to female ratio. And I am getting to meet myfavorite female comedians - that is good!

Pam: It’s so exciting to watch how the festival has grown andattracted some big name comedians. How has that process been for you?

Elyse: It's wonderful. We all work welltogether and have similar instincts on the headliners. And, of course, seeingso many talented ladies is fantastic

(and men too).

Pam: What have you learned from being exposed to all these greatfemale comedians?

Elyse: I've learned a lot more about theindustry than I wanted, but it's been fun. I think it's hard to be a womancomic who wants to write for TV.

(Sorry, major baby spit up, here...)

Listening to how it all works at the paneldiscussions, I mean. No one griped, but it's a rigorous process.

Pam: Yeah, those panel discussions are an incredibly - and to mesurprisingly - valuable part of the festival.

Elyse: Yeah, our goal is to keep them free tothe public - an important part of the festival, for sure.

Pam: I know you’re still early in the process right now, but canyou give us a sneak peek into what to expect from the next WICF (March 21-25,2012)?

Elyse: We had double the submissions, so someawesome talent will be there. We will be adding some new and exciting venues. Andone of our confirmed headliners is Carol Leifer, who ILOVED when I was a pre-teen when she had a show on A&E and she wasfantastic. She still is, but she was my first introduction to stand up so it ispretty cool. She has done so much writing for TV andproducing too, so it will be interesting to hear her talk about it.

We will have more headliners this year... Keeplooking at www.womenincomedyfestival.com forexciting announcements! (That's my commercial in this interview.)

Pam: That's SO exciting, Elyse. What you ladies are doing is soimportant and I think it will have implications on the improv world on thenational and maybe even international scale. How do you feel about the state ofwomen in comedy today?

Elyse: I think it's the best it has ever been.I think the final glass ceiling is seeing [more] women writers and directors incomedy. We need to push our numbers there. We have plans to see that happen, orat least make some impact in that area. (We hope).

Pam: Oh wait. Look at the time. Shit. I have to go to piano….Sorryto cut it short. Mommyhood calls. And I'm sure you need to change your shirtafter the spit up attack. THANK YOU!!!!

Elyse: My pleasure. Thank YOU!

Radio Interview on WHMP (2011)

2012-01-05T20:02:00.003-05:00

On December 28, 2011, my comedy partner, Laura Patrick, and I were interviewed about The Ha-Ha's and our participation in First Night Northampton on the 9 O'Clock Show with Bill Newman. We're the second interview in.

LISTEN HERE.

Geeking Out with...Jet Eveleth

2011-12-02T11:44:00.001-05:00

[“Geeking Out with…” is a series of interviews withwell-known, highly experienced improvisers. It’s a chance to talk about stuffthat might interest only hardcore, improv dorkwads. The piece below is theextended, full-frontal geek-out version of this interview. If you’d like toread the more compact version, please visit the Women in Comedy Festival blog.]

Geeking Out with…Jet Eveleth

By Pam Victor

If you have seen Jet Eveleth perform improv, you would rememberher. Not only does she have crackerjack improv skills, but Jet Eveleth pops onstage. Your eye follows her as she flows from character to character with abendy physicality that often defies gravity. Earlier this year, I saw Jetperform during the Chicago Improv Festival with the preeminent iO troupe, The Reckoning. In my humble opinion,they performed what I consider to be a Perfect Set. You know how sometimesduring winter there will be a rare snowfall where the flakes fall on your coat,and you look and see they are delicately and intricately formed in perfect,complex symmetry? That was how I felt about that set. It was a beautiful,singular thing.

Jet Eveleth swims in a sea of improv delights in Chicago. Shecurrently performs at iO with The Armando Diaz Experience, The Reckoning, The Deltones and The Collectibles. In addition, she is looking forward to a possible mini-tour with PaulBrittan (Saturday Night Live) of thecreated-from-improv scripted show Ted and Melanie. She is also working“with some really cool film guys from MN” on the development of a pilot that,according to Eveleth, “is very inspired by my favorite documentaries (Billythe Kid, Anvil! The Story of Anvil) andChris Lilley's work. It is character driven, has elements of improv and - believeit or not - it's pretty physical.” And that’s not counting recent forays intomovies, her stand up experience, her previous work with The Chi-Town Clown Revue, and her stint as ArtisticDirector for TheChicago Improv Festival…And I have a feeling this is Eveleth on a slow day.

Pam Victor: So how did you get into improv?

Jet Eveleth: In college at UMASS Amherst, Iwalked by a short form audition and some guys called me in. I guess my first"yes and" was walking into that audition at that moment. I wasstudying acting and film at the time so I already had the bug. I hadn't seenshort form before and there was something about reacting in the moment that fascinatedme.

Pam Victor: So was that Mission:IMPROVable?

Jet Eveleth: Yes I was in Mission: IMPROVable. It was the MIguys that convinced me to move to Chicago to do improv. They came out two yearsbefore I graduated; I guess I was the baby…They were so good to me when I cameto Chicago. They told me where to take classes, introduced me to people, andmade me feel really welcomed.

I read [Charna Halpern’s book] Truth in Comedy before I moved to Chicago and I remember the first time I seteyes on the entrance of iO. I connected to the book, the philosophies, and onceI saw John Lutz and Stephanie Weir do a scene my mind was blown. It was sofunny and so beautiful at the same time, and all made up in the moment. I satin the audience and thought to myself, "This is all I want to do."

Pam Victor: I'm laughing because if there was an interventionprogram about improv, I'd be on there too.

Jet Eveleth: I guess people are attracted to somany different things in comedy, but if one is real long form nerd, if that iswhat makes their heart beat the loudest and the fastest, iO is the mecca.Right?

Pam Victor: Absolutely.

Jet Eveleth: I love that there is a place whereart and process rule.

Pam Victor: So you came out to Chicago and right away wentthrough the levels at iO?

Jet Eveleth: iO was my first destination. I saw a show the firstnight I arrived, three days after graduating from college. I went throughclasses there and also SecondCity and The Annoyance Theatre.

Pam Victor: Wow. You were really driven.

Jet Eveleth: Compelled.

Pam Victor: What was the first team you were on?

Jet Eveleth: I got on a team called the Unionabout three weeks after arriving. It was a playground incubator team. My coachwas one of the guys from MI; and he had been coached by Liz Allen, who was thegodmother of group mind. At least that's what I call her. It was all a greatintroduction to long form. Very artsy and supportive. I feel very lucky that Ihad mentors that taught me the beauty of things.

Jet Eveleth

Pam Victor: Who have been your most influential teachers?

Jet Eveleth: Tj [Jagodowski] coached The Reckoning for a while, and I can'treally put words to how inspiring his vision is.

Pam Victor: I bet! I'm salivating right now.

Jet Eveleth: I loved Jack McBrayer as a teacher. He was so nicefirst of all and he laughed at emotional and honest moments, which I thinksubconsciously trained all of us. I'm not sure if that was all part of hismaster plan. To be honest, all the teachers I had at iO were fantastic. I alsoreally loved my training at Second City and the Annoyance. I think Mick [Napier]has a way of cutting down to the very gem of what will help someone in themoment. I also love they way he "invites" people to try newtechniques instead of calling out a habit that may not be helping the scene.

Pam Victor: I had a lengthy discussion with Chris Gethardabout the "game" being at the heart of the UCB philosophy. What is at the heart ofyour improv philosophy?

Jet Eveleth: I loveanalogies. So here we go...For a while everyone thought atoms were the smallestyou could go, the building blocks, right? But then they discovered the nucleusand then the protons and neutrons... and who knows what we will discover next?

So right now (and this will change), I thinkthat perhaps the game (the series of actions in a unique pattern) is the atom.And perhaps the character is the nucleus, and within that is the POV [point ofview] born of the moment, in this space. We can still break it down smaller...

But it becomes very Zen-like.

Pam Victor: Hahaha. I havethis theory that there is a hardcore science geek inside almost every improviser.You are proving the rule.

So really? The game rather than relationship and character isyour go-to? Having watched you improvise, that surprises me.

Jet Eveleth: I guess when I say game I don'tmean it like many in the improv world. Game has a history in all performingarts. So in Commedia [dell’arte] and clowning, there is game. In dance, thereis game. But its foundation is in action and pattern. I don't separatecharacter, relationship and game. I play as honest as I can and all three areborn how they see fit. Game can be developed first; I just don't play that way.I play character driven, and when you have wants they lead to actions fallinginto patterns----game is born. But without the heavy fist.

Pam Victor: So maybe honesty is your impetus, thething that is, like you imply, the "quark" of the scene - the smallestcomponent.

Jet Eveleth: Honesty is essential. Meaning, it is the path Ipursue but it has to be balanced with bravery.

Pam Victor: Vulnerability.

Jet Eveleth: Vulnerabilityis a key word. Vulnerability refers not only to the character but to the actor.

And when I say brave I don't mean putting on abrave face. I mean being out of control, losing your shit because that is whatis required of you character in the moment. The willingness to be flawed. Ithink we can get lost in the idea that we are supposed to be the prettiest,smartest, most put together person in the room because we are on stage. Whenindeed it is the opposite.

Pam Victor: It's so weird that you brought up the prettiness vs.brave thing because I really wanted to ask you about that. This is a kind ofweird question I’ve been mulling over lately since reading a piece in the WICF blog that touched onhow a woman presents herself on stage. Do you think a female improviser’s looks impact the way she’sperceived as an improviser both on stage and off? You’re very pretty. Do youfeel you have to underplay it to make sure you’re being respected as animproviser first and foremost by the men you work with?

Jet Eveleth: I guess Idon't think of myself as pretty or ugly when I'm on stage. The art itself makesus the subject instead of the object, which is very freeing. I want to feel asneutral as possible so I can play a huge range of character, any that theimprov gods throw my way. That seems like the most fun way to play. I like tothink I'm playing from the inside out. So the outside should be as close to ablank canvas as I can start with.

If you keep seeing my bare butt crack the wholeshow, it doesn't seem like a blank canvas. So I always cover my butt.

Pam Victor: Good tip.

Jet Eveleth: I always sayyour eyes are your moneymaker. Which doesn't really make sense now that I thinkabout it because there is no money to be made in improv. But anyway...my adviceis to pull that hair back so your scene partners and the audience can see asmuch of your eyes as possible. Would you want to see a show or a movie whereeveryone wore sunglasses? We live and receive so much through the eyes, so themore of them we can see the better.

P.S. I wear clothes I can fall in.

Jet Eveleth as "Barb"

Pam Victor: You are an amazing character actress. I love Barb. I saw you do a version of her in a show once, and I justwanted to eat it up with a spoon. (That reaction probably stems from the factthat I have a Barb inside of me, who seeps out in every now and then.) Can youtalk about where your basic stock of characters come from and how you nourishthem?

Jet Eveleth: Thank you. Nourishing is a great word. I think wehave to nourish ourselves as people if we want all this cool art to come out ofus. Or perhaps by nourish I mean be close to ourselves. I feel that sometimeswe run away from ourselves, especially in high stakes situations, like let'ssay on stage for example. I mean everyone has their comedic voice, mine tendsto lives in character and physical work. That is what tickles me that most towatch and to play.

We learn a lot by watching people we admire.Right now I really love watching Chris Lilley, Kristen Wigg, Melissa McCarthyand lots of those amazing Brits that aren't afraid to play it real and buildtension.

Improv has been an amazing tool for me to findout I love playing POV's far from my own. I learned early on, the more humanitythese characters have the more the room connects to them. At the end of the daywe have to balance skill with joy and risk, and we have to do it effortlessly.So practice is the only answer.

Pam Victor: You brought up your physicality, which was my nextquestion. Your physicality is truly unique and immensely engaging. Is thatsomething that comes naturally to you, or have you had certain training thatallows your personal physicality to really shine?

Jet Eveleth: I think when you do the work often,as one can in Chicago, you are bound to find those things that really exciteyou. I have a background in dance, but I think when it comes down to it I likemoving around. I also study yoga and clown, but I think I'm drawn to that forthe same reasons. It feels like everything comes full circle if you just dowhat you love. Then one day someone asks you this question.

I also love being physical because it means Inever have to "think" and god knows there are so many cops that livein the mind. I much prefer to fall, roll, climb and hump. It is all so lovelyand primal. I guess I'm like a local saying, "Let's take the back roadsthere are way too many state troopers on the highway." Besides the backroads are prettier and everyone is taking the highway.

I mean life is short, fall.

Pam Victor: It really sounds like your physicality is what keepsyou grounded in the moment on stage, and turns off that fear-based chatter inour left brain so successfully for you.

Jet Eveleth: Being in the body sounds like playto me, so it reminds me of why I'm on stage in the first place.

Pam Victor: Tell me about your involvement with Chi-Town Clownrevue? How do you think clowning has enhanced your improv skills?

Jet Eveleth: I do theChi-Town Clown Review and Dal Vivo, both really fun Chicago clown shows. I trained with an amazingItalian woman named Paola Coletto, who created the company Dal Vivo…Clown isrouted in playing honest and in the moment; so if that doesn't inform improv,I'm not sure what would.

Pam Victor: The Chicago Improv Festival brings togetherperformers from all over the U.S. and the world. At CIF last year, I saw ImproTOP, the Mexican team, andtheir approach to environment was on a whole different scale from anything I’veseen in the states – totally blew my mind. In your job as Artistic Director, Iwould imagine you really got an insider’s view of the global approach to improv.You got to know and work with improvisers from SO many different countries andcultures. What have you noticed about interesting cultural differences andsimilarities in improv?

Jet Eveleth: That is a great question. It is funto see how right on Joseph Campbell is about the universal consciousness in theevolution of art. Even though we are thousands of miles apart, we are stumblingupon the same concepts and techniques within the art form. And yet because wehave such unique histories we also grow apart, some grounded in Commedia, somestorytelling and others political theater. For example, I love the way MexicoCity's troupe ImproTOP becomes their world rather than just gesturing to it.This comes from a heritage of physical storytelling and clown, and their showbecomes instantly physical and playful in a way we rarely see in the states.

Pam Victor: Exactly. That is exactly what they did that blew meaway. And how they offered two or even three different perspectives of a scenewith their running fingers doing a long shot, their bodies doing a medium shotand then somehow they would sometime give us a bird's eye shot.

Jet Eveleth: They do a really cool visualinterpretation instead of a quick comment. I learned a ton being the artisticdirector of CIF. I'm super grateful.

Pam Victor: At the improv forum at CIF, I saw four of youperform what I consider to be a Perfect Set from an improviser's point of view.Can you tell me about the structure The Reckoning follows? Can you break itdown a little for me? It’s so naturally organic that as a viewer, it lookssomewhat magical to me. So much so, I want to drink it because I think it willmake me more powerful.

Jet Eveleth: Don't drink it! Don't drink it!

Pam Victor: BUT I HAVE TO!!!! (I tried to lick the back of JakeSchneider's head when he was turned away. I almost got caught. Reallyembarrassing.)

Jet Eveleth: In a nutshell, I can tell you thatmost of our shows have moments that are scenic and moments that are non-scenic(anything that isn't a scene). The edits are part of the show rather than anecessary evil. So we make them cool and experimental, which lead to scenesthat are truly improvised. I find I always have more fun when I believe that Ido the best work in the moment and not thinking on the sides. Then we letpatterns happen. We look for characters, locations, objects, stage pictures,edits or anything else that want to come back, and we are receptive to themwhen they appear. I rarely speak the language of beats and games because thatlanguage can become handcuffs if they become demands. Who can demand themoment?

I think I just heard God laugh.

Pam Victor: Piero Procaccini says you are “one of the mostself-motivated, perseverant people I know - which is hugely important in thisbusiness. She is constantly pushing herself to keep putting up work. It's incrediblyinspiring.” How do you continue to stay so motivated?

Jet Eveleth: Driven ormotivated doesn't seem like the word I'm looking for... I just feel compelled;and on a good day, focused and brave enough to do the work. I know if I stoppedI wouldn't be happy. So in order to be happy in this short life I have to keepjumping on stage and using my imagination with my friends in front of people.

We will all be told no andyes a million times. But the real permission comes from us.

*********************

[Please note: JonathanPitts, Executive Director of Chicago Improv Festival Productions andCo-Founder/Producer of the Chicago Improv Festival, has been booking all theinternational teams for CIF since its inception and continues to do so today.Much to my delight, it was Jonathan who brought ImproTOP to CIF 2011, and I wasblown away by their performance there. I'm looking forward to interviewingJonathan for this series, so he can share his perspective as someone who workswith improvisers around the world as well as his other unique insights fromdeep inside in the Chicago improv scene.]

Geeking Out with...Keisha Zollar

2011-11-16T08:47:00.001-05:00

[“Geeking Out with…” is a series ofinterviews with well-known, highly experienced improvisers. It’s a chance totalk about stuff that might interest only hardcore, improv dorkwads. The piecebelow is the extended, full-frontal geek-out version of this interview. Ifyou’d like to read the more compact version, please visit the Women in Comedy Festival blog.]

---

When I saw the all-African American troupe The Jamal at thisyear’s Del Close Marathon, Iwas excited by the much-needed cultural expansion they bring to the improvworld. I couldn’t help but to be particularly awed by Keisha Zollar’sfirecracker performance. In addition to her total commitment, she added verveand vivacity to every scene. Zollar improvises with such apparent fearlessnessthat no boundary seems safe in her realm. And I, for one, am grateful for that.

Keisha Zollar has been performing improv since hercollege days at the University of California (San Diego) when, on a whim, shetried out for the short form troupe “When the Script Hits the Fan.” Upongraduation, Zollar decided to pursue a career as “a serious actress,” so shemoved to New York City to attend the MFA program at The Actor’s Studio in TheNew School. But the lure of comedy always beckoned her, so her first auditionupon graduation was for the short form group Chicago City Limits. She got acallback and took that as a sign to get back into improv. After two and a halfyears touring with a short form troupe, Zollar trained at the UprightCitizen’s Brigade Theatre and the People’s ImprovTheater.In 2009, she became the Diversity Coordinator at the UCBT. These days, Zollardivides her time hosting TheSoul-Glo Project at UCB, and performing with Nobody’s Token, Doppelganger, and an indie,all-female Harold team called 8GH, toname a few of the many comedy pies Zollar has her fingers in.

PV: Well, let me say thanks for doing this interview. It's niceto "meet" you.

Just so you know, I've been doing improv for almost a decade. Ifounded my own troupe here in western Mass. over eight years ago, and I producea comedy show up here among other things. So that's where I'm coming from...

KZ: I kinda stalked you.

PV: So you know how many guys I fucked in high school?

KZ: Hmmmmm.

[Um, seriously, Pam? Awkward much? My ability to start aninterview off on the weird foot is almost pitch perfect. Alas. Enter immediate,quasi-professional, backpedalling mode.]

PV: Tell me about how you started in improv. Who turned you on toit?

KZ: I was a freshman in college, and Iwanted to be social. I had just started performing, and a friend and I decidedto audition together. She was a big theatre lady and I wasn’t.

PV: So you both made it in the troupe (I hope)?

KZ: I did. She didn't.

PV: Oh no!

KZ: It was kinda funnybecause I was just used to being kinda the weird funny one in my group offriends.

Keisha Zollar

PV: Were you always considered funny?

KZ:I was the funny, kinda strange kid. Not so strange I never had friends, but Iwas weird-funny because I loved pushing the limits, being crude, rude andloud….I was a fart, poop, sex joke kinda kid at 4.

In general, I'vealways felt like an outsider. I never quite fit any mold. I was funny, butpolite…but I hated rolling with cliques. My mom raised me to be distrustful ofestablishments.

PV: So when did you find longform?

KZ: About 2006, Itook my first class with Ari Voukydis at UCB…[but] I dropped out at level three. I felt isolated.

PV: Inwhat way?

KZ: I was clearlythe odd thing in the room, being a black woman. I just felt like my offersweren't always accepted. I felt like I wasn't being invited to hang out, or goto shows, or to join practice groups.

PV: That's intense, Keisha. I'm sorry you had that experience.

KZ: Eh. It wasn'tmalicious. It was just people going towards what they were used to. I was thisearly twenties, black girl, and there were very few women and even fewer peoplewho weren't white.

PV: Soyou've hit upon a very important point here. Improv is predominately a young,white, male show.

KZ: It is, evenmore so in NYC. It’s also the economics of it all, so middle class to upper,and rich, white men. In NYC, you have to have the money to take classes or thefree time to be an intern. I see the financial [issue] as a barrier to entry.

PV: I hear what you're saying, but the lack ofdiversity in improv can't only be an economic matter. I mean, a lot of kidscome to improv through college troupes. Are the black kids not in the collegetroupes, or do they just not transition to the professional scene? I'm juststruggling to understand why there isn't enough racial and cultural integrationin improv.

KZ: Haha! Istruggle too. I think it is a perfect storm. Improv is a personal thing whereyou pull from your experiences, and if people can't relate to you, they kindadiscredit you - not intentionally. And if you can't afford to take the classes,you cannot even be discredited!

The lack of females[in improv] has always been the greatest mystery to me personally. Growing upmy mom was and is one of the funniest people I know.

PV:Well, I'm quite certain the fact that there are fewer female improvisers thanmale has nothing to do with whether women are funny or not.

KZ: YES!!!! I thinkthere is an inherent laziness in humans to go for what they know.

PV: Ithink you hit the nail on the head, Keisha. I think that since men started outdominating the improv scene - and since improv requires so much trust andintuitiveness - the men would relate more to the men. They would subtly rejectthe women's offers.

KZ: Men have had anunfair balance of power in the history of this country. Shit, we are stillfiguring that out.

PV:Seriously. I almost never improvise with men. Not by design, but bycircumstance.

KZ: I tend to perform with either women or other blackperformers.

PV: Inaddition to the fact that I think you guys are incredibly skilled improvisers(and I’m not just blowing smoke up your ass – I really mean it!), I personallylove the cultural diversity The Jamal and Nobody’s Token brings to the festivalcircuit. What are the advantages for you of playing with an allAfrican-American troupe?

KZ: Well, the bestpart of being in an all African-American troupe is not having to explain anycultural things. Yes, I listened to R&B more than pop. Jesus is big withblack people, gospel too, [plus] church and music and food and more. We havethe same cultural rhythm, and it's pretty bad ass.

I started playingwith a great group of women called Mrs. Jones, a group of black women, and theshared experiences ARE awesome. First off, I LOVE playing with ladies. I don'tfeel weird making a joke about my body or feelings. Also playing with blackwomen. . .when something racial comes up, no one's buttholes tense up. Theretends to be a level of sensitivity because we know what it's like to be theoutcast. So if we push an issue, it is because we are intentionally doing so!

PV:Well, and you have the advantage - so to speak - of being able to go there.Know what I mean?

KZ: YES!!!! Womenhandle rape scenes differently, in my experience, than men. And black peoplehandle a slave scene differently. I think there are scenes that can exposepainful truth through humor, but you really need the diversity to do themjustice.

PV:ABSOLUTELY.

KZ: During DCM,Doppelganger did a rape scene, and I mentioned how in this state we were in youcan't technically rape your wife. Now in some states those ARCHAIC laws stillexist, which is why it’s truthful, sad, and, done right, humorous. . .hopefully.

PV: But here's the thing, we are talking about how it's more funand easier and more comfortable to do improv with people who share commonexperiences with ourselves. But if we only do improv with people who are likeus, then how is improv as a big unit going to become more unified?

KZ: Well, I thinkit is a balance. I also try to play with people VERY different from me wheneverI can. I think you find your voice and empowerment when you are playing withlike players, and you find freedom and the stretching of your abilities andthoughts when you play with people vastly different from you.

PV:Well said. And please don't think for a minute I'm saying it's yourresponsibility as a black woman to unify the improv world. It is a two-waystreet. I'm talking from my own experience as a female improviser who oftenfeels more comfortable working with other women, but also frustrated by thosesame limitations.

KZ: I think it's a constant balance. I think the male-heavy or -onlygroups have the same tendencies - there are just a lot more of them. They formgroups from people who are similar, and then they start going for the peoplewho are most different for the creative challenge.

PV: But then it just ends up looking token, to me at least,'cause they end up with a bunch of white guys, the woman, and the black guy. Imean, look at SNL.

KZ: Ha, I know. I feel like actors and performers are cast forstereotypes. There is a feeling of tokenism in the comedy world sometimes. Wecan have one large, funny lady, but not two. One South Asian, but not three.

PV: I know, right??? Can you about how you started Nobody'sToken with your friend Rob?

KZ: NBT came out of my frustration that there weren't many blackshows or comedy that was really for everyone, but with the specifics of comingfrom black cultures. We mainly do shows at the PIT. Most of us are either PITor UCB trained, and sometimes both!

PV: Imight as well just come out of the closet as a fan, especially since I’ve writtenabout it publicly. I saw you at DCM 13 with TheJamal, and I thought you guys were stellar. I also saw some of the same playersas Nobody’s Token at this year’s Boston Improv Festival. I know you’re withthat group too. Plus you’re part of the Upright Citizen’s Bridage house teamDoppelganger. That’s a lot of groups! Help me keep them straight. Who are youperforming with these days? Where can we see you?

KZ: I am stillperforming with Nobody's Token and Doppelganger. I also play with 8GH, which isan eight lady Harold team (indie). In addition, I actually host a showhighlighting diversity in comedy called the Soul Glo Project. The Soul GloProject is a UCB show.

PV: Itseems like UCB is very supportive of your efforts to diversify the improvscene.

KZ: THEY ARE! AndNate Dern, the new AD, is amazing. He cares about diversity. He's made moreconsiderations and has supported and welcomed, and is welcoming, diversity. Hesees that diversity isn't about the minorities getting a chance, but aboutfostering the best comedic talent, and giving diverse talent ways to expressthat. He sees the struggle.

PV: Sothere are reasons to be optimistic about the coming diversity in the improvworld.

KZ: Yes. Nate gives me a lot of hope. And others too.

[Atthis optimistic point in the interview, I realize it’s well after one o’clockin the morning. I wish Keisha and I could continue the conversation over greatmargaritas in a divey, Manhattan bar, but, alas, I have to get up early to playmommy to my off-stage brood. Ironically, this tug-o-war is part of the price ofbeing a woman in comedy.]

PV: I could improv-geek out with you all night, Keisha, but Igotta get some sleep. I have to drive my kids to a class in the morning, andthen book down for a quick lunchtime, short form gig. Thank you so much foryour time and thoughts.

KZ: Ha! Kick ass tomorrow.

PV:I'll do my best.

Geeking Out with...Chris Gethard

2011-10-26T12:21:00.000-04:00

[“GeekingOut with…” is a series of interviews with well-known, highly experiencedimprovisers. It’s a chance to talk about stuff that might interest onlyhardcore improv dorkwads like me. And probably you (and I mean that in the mostsincere, loving way.) This piece is the extended, full-frontal geek-out version of the interview thatwas published in the Women in Comedy Festival blog.]

The first time I met Chris Gethard, I was handing him a demi-cup,lace bra in the ImprovBoston green room. He and his troupe were about to embarkon a cross-country comedy road trip in an RV, and I asked if he would deliverthe bra to another comedian I hardly knew in L.A.

“Did you put perfume on it?” Chris simply asked in response to myrequest.

I blushed and snatched the bra out of his hands to smell it in confirmationof what I already knew. (Why did I need to smell my own bra in front of ChrisGethard?! To this day, I still can’t answer that question.)

“Actually, It’s essential oil,” said the fragrance-free gal fromwestern Mass., before choking out, “Cinnamon.”

And that was pretty much the sum total of our interaction.

The whole bra/RV stunt was an attempt to perform again with acomedian whoonce plucked me out of the audience for a date on stage during the Del CloseMarathon several years ago. Believe me, it’s not a pro-feminism story Iwill be writing in to the SmithCollege Alumni Quarterly any time soon.But I will say that to his great credit Chris Gethard successfully transportedmy lingerie across the continent.

Since the age of 19, Gethard hasbeen at Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theatre, where he teaches classes andperforms with The Stepfathers. He has a host of choice gigs in his resume, suchas guest writing for Saturday Night Liveand the Onion News Network, multipleappearances on Late Night with ConanO’Brien, and last year, starring in Will Ferrell and Adam McKay’s sitcom onComedy Central, Big Lake,which also featured Horatio Sanz and Chris Parnell. These days, he has his owncable-access show The Chris Gethard Show, billedas “the mostbizarre and often saddest talk show in New York City.” Recently, we satdown to virtually chat about improv. And neti pots. Gethard was sufferingthrough a sinus infection.

PV: Sorry to hear you’re sick. I’m just getting over something. I’ma neti pot user.

CG: Oh, I do the neti pot too. I’m at thepoint though where I know it will hurt really badly. You ever have that? Wherethe sinuses get so bad that the neti pot is like pouring glass into your ownhead?

PV: Yes. That’s when I stop doing it usually.

(Opening an interview with neti pot stories: Worse or better thansmelling your own bra? You be the judge.)

PV:How did you get into improv? What’s your training?

CG: Well, I started in high school. A teacher who knew I was kindof a wise ass sort of twisted my arm into signing up for her drama class, andwe just did improv the whole time. I was pretty immediately obsessed. [Then] Iwent to Rutgers, auditioned for their short form troupe, and had a year of justdesperately trying to get into this short form group. I fought and fought toget in… took me three semesters to get in. Then was like... obsessed with it,but [short form] burned out fast. I enjoyed short form, but I figured out veryquickly that there were tricks to it, and I felt the ceiling of it fast.

So after my sophomore year, I started taking classes at UCB. Myfirst class, I think, was a week before my 20^th birthday…and fromthere I was just obsessed. I’m lucky; my group in college was good andmotivated. Everyone was good, but there was a crew that all went to UCB, tolongform, that I lead the charge on. And I think all of us are still doing itprofessionally.

PV: From Rutgers?Anybody I would have seen?

Chris Gethard

CG: I’m doing my thing, TarikDavis did Boom Chicago, Jamie Rivera tours for Second City, Katie Dippold is awriter at “Parks and Recreation.” It was a good squad.

PV: I get the obsessionthing. What about improv obsesses you so much?

CG: The thing about improv thatobsesses me so much is that any show could be your best show ever. Every timeyou step on stage, you might hit a rhythm you’ve never hit before, saysomething funnier, connect harder with your teammates, whatever. It’saddictive, but I find myself chasing it even after eleven years of doing it atUCB.

PV: Are you arisk-taker in real life?

CG: Yeah. Big time, to a stupiddegree. I am mocked for it.

PV: So that’swhere your style of comedy come from, you think? That sense of, “Let’s getChris to do it...he’ll do anything”?

CG: I don’t know. It’s definitelyhard to know how you’re viewed on stage, but I actually think on stage I tendto be the one more in control. I think I lean more straight man/pointing thingsout. I’m not very good at characters or object work. Most of my characters arevery similar to me. But that’s where being a semi-strange person gives me anadvantage, because I think I’ve had a decent amount of life experience, soplaying close to myself isn’t a hindrance. I am pretty good at adjusting andplaying most situations with a certain degree of integrity. Yeah, I’ve realizedmore and more that my best days as an improviser are behind me. The best team Iwas on was in 2002.

PV: Who was onthat team in 2002?

CG: In 2002, I was 21 years oldand got put on a team called Optimist International - me, Shannon O’Neill, TomSchmidt, Dave McKeel, Seth Morris, Brian Huskey, Rhea Dates, Rob Corddry, JackMcBrayer. Not a bad squad to be on when you’re 21. We were known for being veryaggressive, and doing organic work at the top of our shows that moved very fastbut stayed very connected.

PV: No shit. That’squite a team.

CG: I think,eleven years in though, I focus more on taking my attitude from improv [thanperforming it], the things I’ve discovered with it, and putting them intothings like storytelling, my talk show, and stand up. Improv is my base that Iapply to everything.

PV: That last sentence makes me smile. Ok, The Chris Gethard Show, yourcable-access show. Tell me about what you’re going for there - it’s so unlikeanything that’s out there right now, sort of theater of the absurd, sort ofFellini, sort of Howard Stern. It’s fascinating.

CG: Thank you! We’ve definitely all built ittogether over time, all the people on camera and organizing it on my end…whenyou’re comfortable with each other and you let your guard down and realize thatthe people up there with you are your safety net, your limits can really getstretched. So we get really revealing. We sometimes get violent. We see how farwe can push each other.

PV: UCB seems very masculine energy. I don’t know if you read the WICFpiece or not, but Joe Bill and I have been going back and forth alot lately on masculine vs. feminine improv.

CG: I would say one of thebiggest assets of the UCB is that I think it’s unquestionably the punk rocktheater. It’s a little dirtier and less polished, but very, very ballsy and inyour face…if you divide comedy up by masculine/feminine, it’s probably fair tosay that UCB is on the masculine end of the spectrum.

PV: Can you tellme about how you are trained for that there?

CG: You know, the game is at thecore of the UCB style and philosophy, the idea that you can isolate one centralcore funny idea in each scene, that each scene can have its comedy defined byone core principle that you then make a pattern out of. And I think on somelevel, there’s a math-like quality to that…on some level I wonder if that mightgive UCB that more masculine energy. It’s based on patterns and there issomething of a formula in the way they teach people to communicate.

PV: So that’s yourgo-to on stage? You’re listening for the game of the scene?

CG: It’s noteven a go-to. Game isn’t a go-to, that’s not even the way to phrase it. It’s alanguage.

PV:Ok. So for me, personally, defining and develop the relationship betweencharacters is what I think of as my go-to. How would you phrase it?

CG: I kindof don’t get when improvisers say relationship is at the core of their scenes.I literally don’t understand it because that’s like saying that breathing airis at the core of living. That’s a starting point. People knock UCB, knock thegame style, say relationship is the alternative, but relationship is a given. Gamebasically says, “Focus on what’s unique about THIS relationship.” What’sinteresting or weird or funny or unique about this particular relationship? Andhow do you extend that to apply to all other aspects of the world thesecharacters live in? And on top of that, I think if you only think aboutrelationship, you cut off the part of your brain that does presentationalthings, abstract things, all the things that happen in improv that don’t evenhappen between two characters…

I get defensive sometimes. I thinksometimes we get a bad rap in the improv community…but I think sometimes peoplesay, “UCB is aggressive and loud and fast and no one listens,” but I don’tthink that’s true. You have The Swarm, one of the most patient teams ever. Youhave Respecto [Montalban], balls to the wall rockstar improv, and they all haveat their core this engine driving things, called game.

PV: Ok. Do youmind explaining game a little more?

CG: Sure. I think the basicconcept is, Make your scene about one thing. That one thing will be the game ofyour scene. If all of the players on stage are trained in how to detect andnotice that one thing, you can all stay on the same page and focus on it, buildit together. A lot of it comes down to: Start your scene. Commit. And listenhard enough that you notice the first unusual thing about the scene. When younotice the first unusual thing, start asking yourself, “If that’s true, whatelse is true?”

If all ofyour comedic choices are driven by figuring out, “If this is true, what else istrue?” you quickly start to build a world for your characters to play in thathas a specific set of rules, a philosophy for them to live by. And because youand your scene partner are focused on just that one thing, you can explore itthoroughly without confusing it along the way, without having monkey wrenchestossed in. Everyone knows to build one singular idea. It makes life much, mucheasier.

PV: What about character development?

CG: Character development?[That’s] as much a piece of the puzzle as anything else.

PV: So when you're improvising, you're also thinking aboutremaining true to the character you've created? Or would that be secondary tothe game?

CG: Again, to me that's oneof those things that's like "humans need water to live." Yeah, you’ve gotta commit to yourcharacter – hard, commit as hard as you can, don't be winky, don't sell the sceneout. I think if you don't commit to your character, you can ruin the comedy ofa scene. But I think if you have a strong character and no game, you don't havea funny scene.

As a teacher, I always pushthat idea, hard: Have a scene. Havestrong characters, a strong reality. You can always make that funny. If you gofor the funny first, you got nothing left once a joke misses.

PV: Youwrote on Facebook once, “The question behind every comedic choice I make onstage, every joke I write is, ‘Would this make teenagers in northern New Jerseylaugh?’”

CG: Yeah. I just want weird kidsto like what I do, anything I come up with, that I put my name on or whatever.That’s in my head, “Would me and my brother have liked this if we randomlyfound it in 1995?” Like we used to find shows on the UHF channels and publicaccess channels.

PV: You consideryourself to be a “weird kid?”

CG: One of the weirdest!

PV: Way to parlay the weirdness, dude. Were you the weirdo inhigh school? or the funny kid? or…

CG: I was both of thosethings. I was a funny weirdo. I think everyone kind of thought I was an oddball,but a harmless one and I could make them laugh. [I was] not popular. I was sortof like Max Fischer from Rushmore. Iwas in every activity. I never slowed down - I kind of still don't - so I kneweveryone. I was a generally agreeable person. My mouth didn't get me into toomuch trouble, only once or twice. I was just trying to get through. There wassome violence in my school and stuff. Everyone had their way to get through,had their guard up in their own way. Being funny was my version of that.

PV: Being funny as a coping skill, I get that. Did that work foryou with the ladies? (OMG. I don't know why I phrased that like that. SuddenlyI'm an old, Jewish guy from the Catskills. Or your Uncle Al.)

CG: It didn't work forme with the ladies for a long time. In college it did. It's pretty much all Ihave to offer. I am a weird looking person and am not fun, so humor is what I canoffer the fairer sex.

PV: Last question: You gallantly transported my cinnamon-scented,ivory, lace, demi-cup bra from Boston to L.A. First of all, thank you. Ienvisioned the bra ending up in a truck stop somewhere in Texas or gathering roaddust on the side of the road in Nevada. But you got it there and into the handsof its intended. Where did it travel?

CG: Your bra was tucked away safelyand secretly in the bag where I store my laptop. My laptop is where I keepeverything I’ve ever written, every project I’m working on, every outline for ashow idea for my talk show that I have. What I am telling you, no bullshit, isthat for some reason I took the cross-continental transport of your underwearVERY SERIOUSLY. I put it where I knew it would be safe.

PV: Wow. Thetreasure chest of hiding places. I really thought it would be hanging from therearview mirror with shit written on it. Thank you.

CG: No, no. You gave me amission, and I executed it. It was my pleasure.

Teatolers, Part 6: The Final Four

2011-10-23T20:55:00.000-04:00

The Mildly Linear Rating System (from worst tobest):

MustFlee---Sorry---Oh Gee---Good Tea---Glee---(subcategories: Glee-Teehee and Glee-Jamboree)-Yippee!

Esselon,we love you. You have been so good to us. But until you add to your tea menu,we’ve come to the end of our tea tasting experience with you. We’ve gonethrough all your teas. Yes, perhaps it’s true, we’ve outgrown you. It’s not us,it’s you. Here are the final four teas in the Esselon leg of our taste test:

DarjeelingOolong 2^nd Flush – Rating: OhGee (LP & Pam)

We were underwhelmed and uninspired by this tea. According tothe Esselon website, Darjeeling Oolong is “our one oolong from India,Darjeeling oolong bears little resemblance to any Chinese oolong. It is winyand heavy-bodied for an oolong, with flavors of toasted grains and orangezest.” According to LP and me, the tea was very light, with a little “barktaste.” That’s bark as in tree, not dog. This response prompted me tochallenge, “Have you ever licked a tree?” To which she retorted, “Have you everhugged a tree?” And I counted, “Have you ever seen a grown man naked?” (More onthis topic later.)

GreenDarjeeling - Rating: Sorry (LP), Oh Gee (Pam)

Yes, our theme last month was Dare to Darjeeling, so we hadto sample the both the green and the oolong Darjeelings in the same sitting.Sadly, neither “ling” was the thing with the bling bling that could either makeus sing, or make our bells ring ding-a-ling. I loves me some green tea, butthis one was just so-so. (My taste buds belong forever to that full-bodiedvixen Jasmine Dragon Phoenix Pearl.) I found the Green Darjeeling to have aflavor of rich foliage with a hint of licorice. While she freely admits to notbeing a green tea gal, LP gave it a sip and deemed it, “like licking the insideof a chimney” with an essence of “wood tar.” Needless to say, my buddy LP willnot be pulling either Darjeeling out of her Christmas stocking this year.

JadeCloud – Rating: Sorry (Pam), Must Flee(LP)

Personally, I think the name of this green tea would make agreat superhero name. Jade Cloud! An Asian wonder woman whose super power is toturn into a cloud. She also can reduce sun glare on the highway. Jade Cloud tothe rescue!

As soon as our tea is served, we typically delight inexamining and sniffing the leaves. Sticking her nose into Jade Cloud (ok, thatsounds really wrong), LP wrinkled her nose and gagged, “Autumn leaves drainingin a sewage ditch.” To me, they just smelled like leaves. “You know, it’spretty funny,” I said. “That after all these tea taste tests, we somehow stillseem surprised when tea smells like wet leaves.” We riffed on how we wouldwrite a movie review: “It was like an image being reflected…on a screen!” Weare masters of taking delight in the obvious.

Still, I sniffed my Jade Cloud leaves like a bloodhound on ascent. It took me a while to identify the flavor, but once I did I knew it whenI heard myself say it. Mango. A taste confirmed definite fruity undertones. LPconcurred, “Yup. There’s fruit in dem hills.” All in all, my superhero tea wasnothing to write home about, and left me wearing “teeth sweaters” after the potwas dry.

JadeOolong – Rating: Sorry (LP), Oh Gee(Pam)

While last month was all about Darjeeling, our theme for thismonth was Jade, so LP got the oolong, as she is wont to do. She also popped forour shared order of sausage as a pre-birthday gesture with the promise, “Youcan always count on me to give you some sausage.” Yes, that turned me on.Perhaps encouraged by her saucy sausage sweet talk, I later – and less subtly –produced an edible erection in my sausage while trying to cut it. Looking at itwistlessly (as opposed to wistfully since erections are not her cup of tea, soto speak), LP reflected how long it had been since she’s seen a grown mannaked.

As we are both wont to do, we stuck our noses eagerly intoher leaves. (Ok, yeah. Is there no way to smell leaves without it sounding like a porno?) Jade Oolong offered up a yummy leafy (what a surprise!) smell,“like wet leaves but a happier memory.” LP sniffed her tea with a purpose.“Hmmm,” she inhaled before stating, “Definite woodland hobbit smell.” Thoughwhen I asked if she had ever smelled a woodland hobbit, LP demurred coyly.Unfortunately, the taste did not provide as much depth as its nose. We foundJade Oolong to be a mild manner tea with a singular hind note that Icharacterized as “a little chewy on the back end.” So LP gallantly offered herJade Oolong an assist by first pouring sweetener and milk into it. Trying to bolster theteas confidence, she claimed it “carries sugar and milk well.” Thus I contendthat if you really just want warm sugar and milk, Jade Oolong is the tea foryou.

Finally, LP made a daring effort to “buff up this 98 poundweakling” of a tea by pouring the leaves directly into the pot. Yes, we weredrinking outside the box now. Sadly, our dashing deed did not do much for ourtea’s disposition. Happily, I almost fell out of my chair laughing when LPreturned to the table, red-faced with shame, when the bitter barista gave herfreewheeling leaves a snobby sneer when she asked for a water refill.

To see our full list of tea taste tests, please see our Teatoler's Tally.

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Pam and LP making comedy together

About your teatotalers:

LP-

LP is a married mother of two adorable doggies (one of whom is my nephew, the poodle.) LP grew up in the Upper West Side (Manhattan, duh) where she acquired many city smarts that fail to do her any good whatsoever in western Massachusetts. She no longer, however, thinks carrots grow on trees. To know LP is to love her, especially if you are a child, a small animal or me. She is funny, wise, and truthful. Also, when she was twelve, she was in a Movie of the Week (“The War Between the Tates”). LP is the best BFF in the world. We both agree that we couldn’t love each other more than we do already, but we remain ever open to the possibility.

Pam-

I am a married mother of two people who are taller than me. We are a homeschooling family. I like to teach. I like to write. I love to perform, especially comedy and super-especially improv comedy. LP and I have been performing improv comedy together for over seven years in our troupe The Ha-Ha’s (formerly The Ha-Ha Sisterhood).

Essay: Should You Improvise More with Your Vagina? (for the Women in Comedy Festival Blog)

2011-10-14T13:16:00.002-04:00

An R-rated piece written for the Women in Comedy Festival Blog as a contributing writer.

“And I don’t mean that in a dick versus pussy way.”

This is improv legend Joe Bill talking to me about two camps of improv. He was contrasting the testosterone-infused, wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, my-dick-is-bigger-than-yours style with the more Kumbaya emotional connection with scene partners, deep-like-a-womb, scenic improv style. In short, we were discussing the masculine-feminine polar extremes of improvising, but not necessary male and female improvisers.

Can improv technique be classified along a gender-stereotyped spectrum? It’s tempting to chalk up stylistic disparities as stemming from the physical differences of what parts we’ve got under the hood. Penises simply beg to be whipped out and flaunted. And they have the propensity - in my experience - of growing larger before your very eyes. Ta da! Who doesn’t love magic (as long as it’s not performed by David Blaine)? The penis, instant audience pleaser. Add to that the evolutionary need to spread one’s seed over many fields in a relatively short period of time, and you’ve got a metaphor for a certain style of improv: fast-paced, short term oriented, somewhat aggressive and competitive and instantly gratifying. Very fun to do in the moment, but sometimes leaves me feeling somehow empty inside afterwards. (Granted, I’m a dopey-eyed chick, so I guess that figures.)

The vagina, on the other hand, requires a more concentrated and immeasurable dedication in both its pleasure and its up-keep. By its very nature, a vagina is a long-term commitment. With time, focus, and refined skill, a vagina can yield many gifts, the greatest of course being the neat trick of creating life — more miracle than magic. Thus, we have the other end of this improv spectrum: a focus on emotion and relationship, a willingness to allow the scene to open up, reveal itself and develop (might I say, to blossom?), a relaxed pace, a deep exploration, and lots of eye contact.

But it’s important to resist classifying these two styles, in Joe Bill’s poetic words, as “dick versus pussy.” This is not about male improvisers and female improvisers. In fact, in my kinky opinion, I love to watch a woman who performs like she has a dick and to perform with a man who approaches the scene with his vagina. These delightful blends across the spectrum yield enchanting results on the stage. It’s not about which naughty bits you’re packing down below, it’s about which naughty bits you improvise with.

So I asked Joe Bill himself, a self-proclaimed wielder of an “improv vagina,” to read this piece and share his thoughts about the possibility of a masculine-feminine spectrum of improv styles. He generously responded:

Here's the thing ... and by thing I mean, here's the hermaphrodite ... the masculine sensibility is goal-focused and the feminine sensibility is process-focused. The proposition as artists is, “Can we play with both or either, when called upon to improvise?” Yes, there is dickprov and there is pussyprov, but can we be in possession of both sensibilities, even when playing in the prevailing context?

Why bother? Dynamics ... to give yourself and your show the gift of diversity of declaration and possibility in any given moment. If there's a man and a woman and a hermaphrodite standing on stage, the person I want to know more about is the hermaphrodite. It's probably because with a man or woman I can think, "Go fuck yourself" and be done with them ... but with a hermaphrodite I can think that, and then immediately arrive at, "WOW, I hope this can happen!" [Dear hermaphrodites, this is a metaphor, I love you.] Isn't that Improv? Wouldn't it be great if we could all go fuck ourselves in either context, with theatrical skill and artistry, and deliver fearlessly on the proposition? My improv vagina will be over in the corner with Susan Messing's improv dick, reminiscing about that one awesome scene we did about a thousand times.

So there you have it, folks. Joe Bill gets the last word on the pussy-dick improv spectrum. Now go fuck yourself.

###

Premiering today! Pam directs, produces and performs in "Silent H, Deadly H," a comic soap opera web series that revolves around an evil chicken farm baroness and her attempts at taking over the competing organic, CSA farm ... by any means necessary.

Lust. Betrayal. Mini-weenies. The 12-episode show debuts at noon EDT today, October 14, and can be watched atwww.silenthdeadlyh.com andwww.youtube.com/user/SideOfToastComedy. Get up-to-the-minute drama behind the drama atwww.facebook.com/silent.h.deadly.h.

Update: My Guest Blog Post for WICF: "No Offense, White Boys: Diversity in Comedy and the Rapeprov Happening"

2011-08-30T15:25:00.000-04:00

I again was honored when the Women in Comedy Festival published my piece in reaction to a disturbing incident at a NYC improv show this summer.

I started this piece a week or so ago, aiming to write about how important racial, cultural and gender diversity is to the whole improv community, and how vital WICF is to reaching that far-away goal, but to tell you the truth, my interest petered out around the second paragraph. “Too soapboxy,” I muttered as I closed the document. Then the “Rapeprov” story broke, lending renewed vigor to my conviction to state publicly that improvised comedy will benefit enormously, both as an art and a craft, from a greater diversity of people and perspectives on stage. So here are those first two paragraphs, and a couple more to boot. (And, oh, by the way, I totally got the “Rapeprov” moniker from Sharilyn Johnson ofwww.third-beat.com. Mad props to her.)

Freshly released from the fabulously musty, sweltering audience of the Del Close Marathon, I ponder the highlights of the 15+ hours of improv viewing I'd clocked in. Although there was the usual brilliance of the big players from the major theaters, I have to put my vote on The Jamal as #1 in my highlights reel. The Jamal is an exclusively African-American comedy troupe that performed a loose Armando structure. They were sharp, smart and, of course, extremely funny, but that only got them onto my favorites list. What pushed The Jamal to the top of my list is the refreshing, much needed expansion of the cultural perspective in improv comedy. To be blunt, I can only take so much of the white boy humor that dominates improv. Don’t get your panties in a bunch, white boys. I laughed my ass off at wicked fast improv excellence, all-boy frenzy of UCB’s “Facebook” show at DCM. I sent Paul Scheer a “wish you were here” fan letter. I bow at the feet of both TJ and Dave. I LIKE white boys, but as with anything, in moderation.

I came away from DCM with renewed support for the Women in Comedy Festival as a vital component of the festival circuit and a guiding force in the improv world in general. Improv needs more people of color, and not just with their own troupes but represented amply in as many groups as possible. (And not just in the “the black guy, the woman, and the fat one” token way that is so prevalent.) Improv needs more women. (Duh.) Improv needs more older people (She writes self-servingly.). Improv needs more LBGT performers. (And whatever other letter of the alphabet you identify as.) Improv needs more diversity. Yeah, it’ll be different. Yeah, comedic paths might diverge. Yeah, there might not be as many fart jokes. But the whole improv world will be brought up by an expansion of perspectives. We will all become better players.

When the Rapeprov story broke about the ASSSSCAT show at this year’s DCM, I was relieved that I missed it. I would have gotten a stomachache from watching that guy dig his own fucking bastard fishhooking hole and sympathy nausea for the intrepid performers. But I am buoyed by reaction comments like Hallie Kiefer in Splitsider, who was at the show, “As for how the performers handled it...well, I wish for a million reasons that there would have been at least one woman on that stage.”

Personally, I wish for a million reasons there would have been a half-dozen women on that stage.

Maybe next year …

Update: Guest Blog Post on The Third Beat

2011-08-19T10:39:00.002-04:00

I was honored to be asked to write this guest blog post about my observations at this year's Del Close Marathon on Sharilyn Johnson's blog Third-Beat.com.

After clocking a mere 15+ hours at the Del Close Marathon last weekend, most of the shows are a big mush of improv squishiness in my sleep-deprived brain, but I’ll try to give you a run-down of what I saw.

This year, I decided to try a little change-up from my usual tactic of parking myself in the moist Petri dish of the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theatre. After last year’s experience of waiting on line outside UCBT for over two hours and still not entering in time to see Improvised Shakespeare, I was leery of being improv-blocked again. Thankfully, the organizers seem to have done a much-appreciated pre-emptive strike by putting more big names and popular shows in the other theaters this year.

So I primarily put in my time at the Hudson Guild theater, where I never had to wait in any lines and there was always a seat. The only time the room was packed to a humid, virus-friendly capacity was on Sunday evening from about 5:30 on, when there was a slow-moving line and the no-reentry policy was put into effect.

Among all that improv, my personal highlight of the marathon was The Jamal, an all African-American collection of players from New York who I definitely will try to see again as a group or in their other incarnations as Nobody’s Token and Doppelganger. They were extremely skilled improvisers, and they offered a fresh outlook from the over-abundance of 25-year-old white boys. No offense, white boys, I love you all dearly, but it’s f*cked there aren’t more black improvisers out there. Improv theaters should do anything they can to make people of different races, cultural backgrounds, age demographics, and sexual orientation, etc. feel more encouraged to do improv. The whole improv world would be brought up by a greater diversity of performers.

Facebook at the 2011 Del Close Marathon. Photo by Pam Victor.

Getting off my bully pulpit, other great DCM 13 sets were the ones you would think would be great. John and Scott (Lutz and Adsit) at FIT on Friday night performed the set with the depth and admirable technique. Bassprov (with Lutz) at the Hudson Guild on Saturday made me fall in love with them all over again. UCB TourCo All-Stars at FIT on Saturday night were very fun to watch.

Climbing back onto my bully pulpit again for a moment, I am thankful there are performers like Shannon O’Neill. In my humble opinion, UCB needs to establish an environment that allows more women into the higher ranks, and not just the ballsy ones but also softer voices who will add flavor and subtlety to the show.

Regrettably, Friday’s Baby Wants Candy at FIT was disappointing, and I say that as someone who adores BWC. The show felt thin with four performers, and Peter Gwinn can only do so much. I miss Eliza Skinner and Rebecca Drysdale. Another performer I missed seeing was Paul Scheer, from whom I always learn a lot by watching. I wish Scheer-McBrayer would return to DCM, but I fear they both may have gotten too big to make space for the underpaid, under-appreciated improv world.

On that note, I was glad that Jason Mantzoukas made time in his busy working schedule for DCM. Although he had to fly back to LA before Mother and ASSSSCAT 3000, he added a definite charming adeptness to the Facebook show at FIT on Saturday night, a show that was another huge highlight of my weekend. Probably the most fun show of all the ones I saw. With a killer cast featuring Mantzoukas, Bobby Moynihan, Horatio Sanz, Owen Burke, Chad Carter, Chris Gethard, Jesse Falcon, John Gabrus, and Gavin Speiller, it looked like they were having as much fun as the audience…which was a lot.

More great shows were to be found at Hudson Guild on Sunday. The Writers Who Never Talk, featuring 30 Rock staffers, was hilarious, and I hope they don’t get fired for their Alec Baldwin impression. I’ll never look at chocolate-covered almonds served from a helmet in the same way again.

I saw a lot of great stuff coming from Chicago, naturally. Very strong, very adept. Probably the most interesting sets came from groups like Den Mother, The Katydids and Classy D out of iO.

So, that was a post-DCM geek-out from my objective observer status. Once I catch up on my sleep, I’ll be looking forward to next year.

The Geeks Come Out of the Woodwork

2011-08-18T16:58:00.000-04:00

Amazing how many people heard my name mentioned on NPR's Marketplace this week! I just happen to be waiting for a train on Monday morning at Grand Central station when the interviewer approached me and asked for my views on the economy. I assured her that I don't have anything significant to say. Perhaps you agree.

The clip is at 6 min. 50 seconds in the link below:

It's the economy, stoopid.

Teatolers, Part 5: Smokin' a Bowl o' Fish

2011-04-16T15:32:00.001-04:00

The Mildly Linear Rating System (from worst to best):

Must Flee---Sorry---Oh Gee---Good Tea---Glee---(subcategories: Glee-Teehee and Glee-Jamboree)---Yippee!

THE TEA TASTING TEST RESULTS

The day was overcast, cold and dreary, but LP and I had a show that night and we arrived at Esselon Café in no mood to fool around. Still exhausted from our highly publicized, Emmy-winning (in our own minds) TV appearance and the resulting paparazzi bruhaha (again, in our own minds), we needed a jolt of tea buzz and we needed it fast. “There is a shoe stepping on my forehead,” said LP. “I need a real tea.” We decided on one oolong and one black tea, sidestepping the greens and flipping the bird at those lame-oid white teas. I encouraged LP to get the Pu-erh Tuo Cha, not only because it Pu-erh is its own class of tea (neither black, nor green.) We like class. Plus, I wanted to watch her try to order it without looking like she was pushing marbles out of her mouth with her tongue. Me, I ordered some Wuyi.

Organic Wuyi Oolong: Rating – Glee-Jamboree (Pam), Glee-Teehee (LP)

One sniff of the Wuyi Oolong and I knew just what I was smelling; however, it took LP a longer time to register.

"What IS that smell?" she said. I watched her eyes blink as her brain cycled through memories. A familiar scent. Go back. Go way back. Not that far. Ok…there.

“What IS that smell?”

Fearful lest she expire from frustrated mental effort, I cut to the chase, “It’s pot. Mary Jane. Weed.”

“You’re right!” LP’s face alit in recognition. “It’s a good bud.”

Wuyi smelled exactly like a green, sticky, hairy bud (not that I’ve ever smelled such a thing.) I instantly had pleasant flashbacks of sweatpants, The Talking Heads, brownies, and a room full of Smithies (not that I ever smoked a sticky bowl in college.) The flavor was quite tasty. Not at all tea-ish, but enjoyably different.

“It’s the only tea you get cottonmouth as you’re drinking!” I exclaimed.

I would definitely hang with Wuyi again. Party on, Garth.

Organic Fair Trade Pu-erh Tuo Cha: Rating - Must flee (both)

We had high hopes for Pu-erh Tuo Cha as our server breathily declared it to be her new favorite tea. But I could tell by the first sniff that Houston we had a problem.

“Oh, we are in the swamp land now,” LP said squinching up her nose. “Oh oh oh….” She flung her head from side to side unable to find the words. “It’s like Chinese soup.”

LP sippin' the fishy brew

“What ‘chu talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?!” I demanded as I grasped the tea from her and took a deep sniff. “Holy crap. It’s a Japanese fish market.”

I gamely took a cup of it before proclaiming it disgusting and undrinkable, though LP really wanted to give it a fair shot as she tried to “milk this fish” by adding creamer. To no avail. That was some nastyass tea. We seriously considered a mix up behind the tea counter. Maybe they ground up some three day-old flounder by mistake?

Pu-erh? They got it right with the first two letters: P.U.

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If you would like to read further adventures in tea tasting, please click here to see the results of our Teatoling so far.

Teatolers Tally: The On-Going Results of Our Tea Tasting Adventures

2011-04-16T15:26:00.000-04:00

Each month, LP and I meet for brunch at Esselon Coffee in Hadley, Massachusetts in order to “collect data” in our quest to find our favorite tea on their extensive tea menu. After years of saying to each other, “Which one is the tea I love?” (to which the other responded, “I dunno. Which tea do I love?”) we finally decided to ferret out our prize once and for all by taste-testing all the teas. Therefore, LP and I can be found at Esselon one early-afternoon each month engaging in thoroughly highly scientific, thoroughly ridiculously subjective research.

The Mildly Linear Rating System (from worst to best):

Must Flee---Sorry---Oh Gee---Good Tea---Glee---(subcategories: Glee-Teehee and Glee-Jamboree)---Yippee!

The Tea Tasting Results:

Organic Wuyi Oolong: Rating – Glee-Jamboree (Pam), Glee-Teehee (LP)

One sniff of the Wuyi Oolong and I knew just what I was smelling; however, it took LP a longer time to register.

"What IS that smell?" she said. I watched her eyes blink as her brain cycled through memories. A familiar scent. Go back. Go way back. Not that far. Ok…there.

Fearful lest she expire from frustrated mental effort, I cut to the chase, “It’s pot. Mary Jane. Weed.”

“You’re right!” LP’s face alit in recognition. “It’s a good bud.”

“It’s the only tea you get cottonmouth as you’re drinking!” I exclaimed.

I would definitely hang with Wuyi again. Party on, Garth.

Organic Fair Trade Pu-erh Tuo Cha: Rating - Must flee! (both)

We had high hopes for Pu-erh Tuo Cha as our server breathily declared it to be her new favorite tea. But I could tell by the first sniff that Houston we had a problem.

“Oh, we are in the swamp land now,” LP said squinching up her nose. “Oh oh oh….” She flung her head from side to side unable to find the words. “It’s like Chinese soup.”

LP sippin' the fishy brew

“What ‘chu talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?!” I demanded as I grasped the tea from her and took a deep sniff. “Holy crap. It’s a Japanese fish market.”

Pu-erh? They got it right with the first two letters: P.U.

Jasmine Oolong, Rating – Glee-Teehee (me), Oh Gee (LP)

I am the green tea gal of the duo. LP, she’s a black tea lover. However I must insert the disclaimer that I veered from our tea sensei dominatrix’s recommendation for her #1 favorite green tea (that prize spot is reserved forEmperor’s Clouds & Mist…and with a name like that, why shouldn’t it be?) Please forgive me for I simply could not choose another tea after our tea dominatrix introduced us to Miss Jasmine Oolong with a thigh-high leather boot-flavored overture in the voice of the tea, “Hi, I’m Jasmine,” said our tea dominatrix in a husky voice. “Oh yeah, we’re drinking some tea.” (There was an unspoken “bitch” at the end of that command.)

LP was underwhelmed with this tea, but as I said she’s not a green tea fan. When questioning her tea-making approach to this tea vs. our tea dominatrix’s instruction, LP became surly, “Maybe I’m not putting enough tea in my ball, but screw her.”

Damn. If you’re reading this, tea dominatrix, I do not condone nor support such talk around tea.

Nine Dragon Golden Needle (black) Rating – Yippee! (both)

“That’s the puppy,” LP crooned when getting a noseful of Nine Dragon Golden Needle. We loved the woody loveliness. “A buncha bancha,” said LP referring to a Japanese tea. “It’s like lickin’ a tree.” To me it tasted like a cabin in the woods, a comforting pine tree cozy cup of happiness. Heavenly.

According to the Teavana brochure, this tea is “composed of one leaf & one bud.” Just like LP & me. A leaf and a bud.*

(*I don’t know what this means exactly, but I do know I mean it with deep and utter love and just a hint of impropriety.)

Organic Jasmine Dragon Phoenix Pearls (green): Rating - Glee-Jamboree (both)

This tea had us at its name. LP says you have to hear this and then say the name. I know, right? You can just picture a hot scene between Jasmine Dragon and Phoenix Pearls. Bow chicka bow wow. It gets better. Here’s the description from the Esselon website: “Each pearl is made by hand rolling two leaves and a bud, and when the tea is steeped in hot water the pearls unravel.”

Oh, yeah, we ordered that tea. Who doesn’t love a hot cup of sex, drugs and rock n’ roll?

The nose of the tea was quite wonderfully perfumy. Upon sipping, LP proclaimed the Jasmine Dragon Phoenix Pearl was “like a piece of gum. Sweet.” She was propelled into a memory lane of gums of her childhood as she tried to recall the name of the gum the tea provoked. Then she had some sort of gum seizure and kept saying, “Fruity fruit fruit fruit….fruity fruit fruit…Fruit Stripe gum!”

I don’t know what the h-e-double-hockeysticks she was talking about with the whole fruity Fruit Stripe gum episode. I found the tea delightful with a pleasant astringent quality. To top things off, whoever Phoenix Pearl is, she must be a real firecracker because that green tea gave me a jump-back-kiss-your-mama caffeine buzz. I was vibrating on high for hours.

Ti Kwan Yin – Iron Goddess of Mercy (oolong) - Rating: Glee-Teehee (both)

While Miss Jasmine Dragon Phoenix Pearl got us thoroughly titillated, we were ripe for Ti Kwan Yin’s moniker “Iron Goddess of Mercy.” Plus it’s an oolong. (That’s what she said.) LP goes for the size queen/dominatrix thing a bit anyway, so there was no stopping her once she laid eyes on that tea.

Ti Kwan Yin starts with a comforting aroma, a nice grassy smell, with a taste that includes a lot of dimension as it seemed to broaden in your mouth. We both found it to be a solid tea. “Like a heavy chair,” said LP. “You know what I mean…a chair you really…sit…in…you can’t fall over, not that I fall over…” This description was accompanied by wild gesticulations that made me fear she really would flip back in her chair at any minute. Between the XXX tea and the Iron Maiden here, we really were quite stimulated by our teas during this visit to Esselon. A thoroughly invigorating afternoon delight.

Monkey Picked Ti Kwan Yin: Rating – Good Tea (both of us)

Onto the tea. When ordering the Monkey Picked Ti Kwan Yin, LP asked for “Tae Kwan Do.” This joke seemed to be lobbed to an unreceptive player as the woman behind the register simply ignored our childish shoving and giggling. Hmph. Spoiler alert: Monkey Picked tea is no longer picked by monkeys. This was a great disappointment to me, as I love monkeys (though would not want to see them enslaved by evil tea farmers, so perhaps it’s for the best.) According to the Esselon website, this tea is “plucked from cliffsides typically 5000 feet or higher, is a very light roast. Ti Kwan Yin and has a bright, lemony, soft flavor.”

The initial sniffing of the tea lead to a conclusion by LP of “spinach…wet spinach.” Upon further olfactory inspection I decided it smelled distinctly of another greenery, one which its medical uses are currently in legal dispute in California. “Liquid Mary Jane” was my final assessment, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. Upon tasting, LP thought she could taste the lemony flavor, but I am certain that was purely a placebo effect brought on by reading the description of the tea.

LP really embraced her role of tea connoisseur this month in a way that I might suggest is a wee bit cocksure. (Excuse my French.) You see, she threw around a great deal of fake tea tasting verbiage and even insisted she knew the correct way to pour tea (in a consistent, counter-clockwise manner…though I think I owe her an apology for scalding her fingers when I tried to replicate her style.) LP even felt that chewing on a leaf would be the next reasonable step in our process, which she promptly did before I could stop her (I was laughing too hard to make a proper attempt, I must confess.) But I think LP learned her lesson about the leaf tasting, impressively without losing a speck of her pseudo-connoisseurship, as she quickly spit out the leaf, pronouncing the nibble “a bitter backlash like a bad break up.” It was the alliteration that convinced me that LP needs to be taken down a leaf or two.

Bao Zhong – Pouchong: Rating – Sorry (LP), Good Tea (Pam, referring to heavily steeped cups)
         Although we loves us our Esselon workers, they dropped the brewing ball on our Bao Zhong (pronounce “bao jong” for the record.) This tea requires a long brew time, which it did not get, and so our initial experience of it was quite negative. I thought it smelled like wet dog. LP set me straight however, “Honey, that smells like dirty sink water.” I don’t know what dirty sink water is, and I don’t ever want to know. LP continued, “You know what that smell is, if you wet a dirty sock and you run out-” I interrupted her rant. I didn’t want to know where she was going with the wet dirty sock on the run metaphor.

According to the Esselon tea guide, “Bao Zhong is considered its own class of tea, as it is the least oxidized oolong, exhibiting characteristics of both oolong and green tea. A very bright tea, vibrant in color, aroma, and flavor. Grassy, with notes of lemon, lilac, and melon. The first steeping can be overpowering in its brightness but each successive steeping mellows and softens the flavor.”

We found it to be none of these things, unless, as LP said, “brightness means an empty, wet sock.” LP sighed upon further testing of the first cup of Bao Zhong and said (in her best Humphrey Bogart voice), “That’s not it, kid. You want me to buy you another pot of tea?” I graciously declined, touched by her courteous gallantry. LP sighed deeply, and said in a serious manner, “This is the tea critic’s life…” I nearly peed my pants laughing at her profound resignation.

And indeed there was a dampening of pants when I mistakenly spilled my first pouring of Bao Zhong. At first, we wondered if the evil Pouchong spirits were cursing us for dissing their brew. But then it became apparent that perhaps the spill was angel-sent. For the second cup of Bao Zhong tea, which had benefited from a long steepage, was a whole other…well, I guess I could say, a whole other cup of tea. As LP testified, “You went from sock to tea. And that’s a good leap.” Indeed!

I really did enjoy the well-brewed cups of Bao Zhong, finally settling on my “Good Tea” rating. LP couldn’t seem to get past her initial impression (“Brightness? It’s dim like a light bulb!”), which took her from her Monkey Picked alliteration to Bao Zhong assonance as she concluded, “The tea, the B.Z., is a sorry.” We agreed to disagree, or as LP said, “T.E.H.O.” (pronounced tea-ho), meaning “to each her own.” I think she was just calling me a ‘ho though, which I won’t even attempt to debate. In the end, we ended the friendly disagreement by quoting “Ally McBeal” with a simple “Bygones.” We invite you to take a well-brewed taste of this tea and share your own opinions with us. (Especially if you agree with me.)

Ceylon White:
  Rating – Sorry (from both of us)
For details, see below.

Yin Zhen Silver Needle (white tea): Rating – Sorry (both)
Esselon only has two white teas, so we decided to test them both at our first trial. According to www.whiteteaguide.com, white tea is the “mightiest of the teas.” What makes it so dang mighty? “Simply put, white tea is the least processed form of tea, made of beautiful silver buds and select leaves which have been steamed and dried.” LP and I are suckers for works like “mightiest” and “beautiful silver buds,” (sounds like a girl you’d want to meet, right?) so it was a no-brainer that we start with the white teas. When my tea arrived, I was momentarily flummoxed by my teapot, which refused to dispense my tea. I tipped and tipped, but the tea stubbornly remained in the pot. We were making such a ruckus the server came over to help. I may have accused her of providing me with a trick pot (Later LP said, “So what did you think, Pam, that you were being Punk'd by the servers at Esselon?!” Uh, could happen. Totally.) Somehow the server poured my tea into my cup with a humiliating amount of ease. This sent LP and I into a long bout of hysterical laughter. When we told our spouses this story, neither of them found any humor in it whatsoever.

Once we weren’t at risk for spewing tea through our noses, we tested our white teas. I must confess, we were both disappointed. We found the teas too delicate, thin and subtle for our crude mouths.

Bai Hao White Tip Oolong: Rating – Glee (LP), Good Tea (Pam)
This is a fun tea to order but challenging to say without sounding culturally insensitive. I enjoyed its woody bouquet. It reminded me of the cedar A-frame cabin “Up North” (northern Michigan) we had when I was a kid. This tea had “a lot going on” and seemed delicately complex. A very enjoyable scent. According to the Esselon website, Bai Hao “is also ‘tippy’ meaning a high proportion of the tea is made up of tender white buds which give the tea a soft, delicate flavor.” LP and I both like tender white buds though we prefer a more engaging and in-your-face brew. We don’t know what the f* “tippy” means, and we’re too old and ADD to really understand it at this point in the game.

Darjeeling 2^nd Flush Oolong: Rating – Glee-Jamboree (both)
         We rated this oolong as Glee-Jamboree because it was like a happy party in our mouths. (In a good way.) We both enjoyed the bouquet, which we described as “heady” (that was me) and “meaty” (that was LP.) The word “astringent” came to mind, which LP contends is a fancy-pants tea word for “bitter.” Apparently, we both like astringent teas. LP called it “winey” (not whiney, which is what she called me.) My taste buds were not in tuned for subtleness at testing time (LP claims it’s because I had wicked PMS), so I simply noted it as warm, comforting and ultimately pleasingly “tea-ish.” LP delighted in the fullness and woodiness of this Darjeeling 2^nd Flush, saying she could taste it “all the way down my mouth. It’s like licking wood.” I fully concur, my only caveat being that I felt like my teeth were wearing fur coats after drinking this tea. It’s too bad the name of this tea makes me think of a stubborn poop in the toilet. Nonetheless, we would definitely order this tea again.

Darjeeling Oolong 2^nd Flush – Rating: Oh Gee (LP & Pam)

We were underwhelmed and uninspired by this tea. According to the Esselon website, Darjeeling Oolong is “our one oolong from India, Darjeeling oolong bears little resemblance to any Chinese oolong. It is winy and heavy-bodied for an oolong, with flavors of toasted grains and orange zest.” According to LP and me, the tea was very light, with a little “bark taste.” That’s bark as in tree, not dog. This response prompted me to challenge, “Have you ever licked a tree?” To which she retorted, “Have you ever hugged a tree?” And I counted, “Have you ever seen a grown man naked?” (More on this topic later.)

Green Darjeeling  - Rating: Sorry (LP), Oh Gee (Pam)

Yes, our theme last month was Dare to Darjeeling, so we had to sample the both the green and the oolong Darjeelings in the same sitting. Sadly, neither “ling” was the thing with the bling bling that could either make us sing, or make our bells ring ding-a-ling. I loves me some green tea, but this one was just so-so. (My taste buds belong forever to that full-bodied vixen Jasmine Dragon Phoenix Pearl.) I found the Green Darjeeling to have a flavor of rich foliage with a hint of licorice. While she freely admits to not being a green tea gal, LP gave it a sip and deemed it, “like licking the inside of a chimney” with an essence of “wood tar.” Needless to say, my buddy LP will not be pulling either Darjeeling out of her Christmas stocking this year.

Jade Cloud – Rating: Sorry (Pam), Must Flee (LP)

Personally, I think the name of this green tea would make a great superhero name. Jade Cloud! An Asian wonder woman whose super power is to turn into a cloud. She also can reduce sun glare on the highway. Jade Cloud to the rescue!

As soon as our tea is served, we typically delight in examining and sniffing the leaves. Sticking her nose into Jade Cloud (ok, that sounds really wrong), LP wrinkled her nose and gagged, “Autumn leaves draining in a sewage ditch.” To me, they just smelled like leaves. “You know, it’s pretty funny,” I said. “That after all these tea taste tests, we somehow still seem surprised when tea smells like wet leaves.” We riffed on how we would write a movie review: “It was like an image being reflected…on a screen!” We are masters of taking delight in the obvious.

Still, I sniffed my Jade Cloud leaves like a bloodhound on a scent. It took me a while to identify the flavor, but once I did I knew it when I heard myself say it. Mango. A taste confirmed definite fruity undertones. LP concurred, “Yup. There’s fruit in dem hills.” All in all, my superhero tea was nothing to write home about, and left me wearing “teeth sweaters” after the pot was dry.

Jade Oolong – Rating: Sorry (LP), Oh Gee (Pam)

While last month was all about Darjeeling, our theme for this month was Jade, so LP got the oolong, as she is wont to do. She also popped for our shared order of sausage as a pre-birthday gesture with the promise, “You can always count on me to give you some sausage.” Yes, that turned me on. Perhaps encouraged by her saucy sausage sweet talk, I later – and less subtly – produced an edible erection in my sausage while trying to cut it. Looking at it wistlessly (as opposed to wistfully since erections are not her cup of tea, so to speak), LP reflected how long it had been since she’s seen a grown man naked.

As we are both wont to do, we stuck our noses eagerly into her leaves. Jade Oolong offered up a yummy leafy (what I surprise!) smell, “like wet leaves but a happier memory.” LP sniffed her tea with a purpose. “Hmmm,” she inhaled before stating, “Definite woodland hobbit smell.” Though when I asked if she had ever smelled a woodland hobbit, LP demurred coyly. Unfortunately, the taste did not provide as much depth as its nose. We found Jade Oolong to be a mild manner tea with a singular hind note that I characterized as “a little chewy on the back end.” So LP tried to help out her Jade Oolong by first pouring sweetener and milk into it. Trying to bolster the teas confidence, she claimed it “carries sugar and milk well.” Thus I contend that if you really just want warm sugar and milk, Jade Oolong is the tea for you.

Finally, LP made a daring effort to “buff up this 98 pound weakling” of a tea by pouring the leaves directly into the pot. Yes, we were drinking outside the box now. Sadly, our dashing deed did not do much for our tea’s disposition. Happily, I almost fell out of my chair laughing when LP returned to the table, red-faced with shame, when the bitter barista gave her freewheeling leaves a snobby sneer when she asked for a water refill.

Pam and LP making comedy together
About your teatotalers:

LP-
LP is a married mother of two adorable doggies (one of whom is my nephew, the poodle.) LP grew up in the Upper West Side (Manhattan, duh) where she acquired many city smarts that fail to do her any good whatsoever in western Massachusetts. She no longer, however, thinks carrots grow on trees. To know LP is to love her, especially if you are a child, a small animal or me. She is funny, wise, and truthful. Also, when she was twelve, she was in a Movie of the Week (“The War Between the Tates”). LP is the best BFF in the world. We both agree that we couldn’t love each other more than we do already, but we remain ever open to the possibility.

Pam-
I am a married mother of two people who are taller than me. We are a homeschooling family. I like to teach. I like to write. I love to perform, especially comedy and super-especially improv comedy. LP and I have been performing improv comedy together for over seven years in our troupe The Ha-Ha’s (formerly The Ha-Ha Sisterhood).

Poem: Last Night I Dreamed of Showering in Your Words

2011-03-28T12:57:00.000-04:00

Last night I dreamed of showering in your words.

I was. I am. I will be.

Trickling reassurances swirling into steady streams.

Flowing between my curls,

Behind my ears.

Washing in wordy rivers over my shoulders,

Holding my waist.

Your words winding wonderful rivulets

Around my thighs,

Behind my knees,

Between my toes.

Sending bubbly waves of silence spiraling down the drain.

And afterwards, as I bumpytoweled dry,

Only a few True words clung to me with their Ivory-scented promises.

You.

Me.

Here. Now.

Always.

(and, of course)

Love.

Email Me Please?????

2011-03-17T10:51:00.001-04:00

Hello devoted readers!*

A quick note to let you know that this blog has a new feature that allows you to subscribe via email. Scroll down the side of the page on the blog until you come to the box that reads "Would you like new posts emailed to you?" (It's above the Facebook badge with my book cover on it.) Sign up to have new posts sent directly to your email!

Thanks for your readership.

Fondly,
Pam

*Is it just me or is this trend of starting online missives with "Hi ____" getting old? I use it because it's standard, not because I like it. I know that "Dear ____" is too formal for the internet venue. And of course plenty of people forgo the salutation altogether - but to me that is a bit rude for our purposes, n'est-ce pas? If you think of a nifty alternative salutation, please let me know. Maybe we can work together to make it go viral.

Essay: The Jaime Sommer's Theory of Bionic Improvisers

2011-03-08T20:44:00.000-05:00

Happy Women in Comedy Festival week, everyone! I wrote another piece for the Women in Comedy blog about how moms have mad bionic improv skillz, yo'.

My improv troupe, The Ha-Ha's, will be performing "Shrink: Where Freud Meets Funny" on Thursday at 8pm at ImprovBoston.

It's All About Me and...The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver

2011-03-07T12:39:00.002-05:00

Me: “I’m really enjoying the new Barbara Kingsolver book!”

My cousinsisterfriend: “Oh? There’s a new one? What’s it about?”

Me: “This sweet Mexican-American closeted gay man in the 1930s, 40s and 50s. He starts out living with his man-obsessed, diva mother in Mexico, but then becomes the cook for Diego Rivera and then Trotsky until…”

Cousinsisterfriend: “Uh, Pam? I read that book. A couple years ago. It’s not new.”

Me (who would be embarrassed at this point in front of anybody else except my cousinsisterfriend who knows EVERYTHING about me but still loves me deeply): “Oh. Well. It’s new to me?”

Cousinsisterfriend: “Enough about you. Let’s talk about me…”

Though the scintillating conversation that followed would probably interest you greatly, I’m going to risk disappointing you by telling you about Barbara Kingsolver’s most recent novel The Lacuna. I’m sure you’ve all read The Poisonwood Bible by now, and if you haven’t you never will (unless you haven’t but always wanted to, in which case please hop over to your local library and get it out. Now. I mean it. Right. Now.) It’s been so long since I read The Poisonwood Bible that all I remember is that it was my favorite book of the year if not the decade, so I started The Lacuna with a “Go ahead, make my day” kind of attitude, which is not really fair to Barbara K. but that’s where I was at that moment so tough patooties. Maybe ol’ Babs was of the same mindset because this book took a while to draw me in. It did eventually, and I liked the book a lot, but I didn’t want to marry it or anything like I did with The Poisonwood Bible. Ultimately, I categorize The Lacuna as a must-read because of Kingsolver’s ability to provide important commentary on the world-altering crisis in “journalism” today (the quotes indicate my loose application of this term) through a gentle, purposefully unassuming character.

Harrison Shepherd is such an humble, less-is-more character that he doesn’t even have a name that sticks. Nor a home. He is neither Mexican nor American. He is neither classically male nor female. He is a smart man partially educated at a school for imbeciles. He wants to fade into the backdrop but he can’t help but to let his culinary and, more importantly, literary talents drop a spotlight onto him. And, poor guy, this novel isn’t really about him at all – even though the entire story is written through his journals – for he is merely a screen upon which the nonsensical media madness projects itself.

“In the beginning were the howlers.” (God, I love a good first line of a book!) “They always commenced their bellowing in the first hour of dawn, just as the hem of the sky began to whiten. It would start with just one: his forced, rhythmic groaning, like a saw blade. That aroused others near him, nudging them to bawl along with his monstrous tune. Soon the maroon-throated howls would echo back from the other trees, farther down the beach, until the whole jungle filled with roaring trees. As it was in the beginning, so it is every morning of the world.”

Wee Harrison Shepherd and his fantasy-based mother mistake the monkeys for demons that will eat the flesh from their bones. As Harrison grows up, the howlers become journalists who would rather spread fantastical lies than do a smidge of honorable reporting. They howl about Diego Rivera’s murals. They howl about Lev Trotsky’s attempts to take down Stalin. They howl about Japanese civilians living in America. They howl about Communism under every rock of the McCarthy era, the jungle cry that crashes disastrously through the small, protect world Harrison carves out for himself.

While I’m reading about Kingsolver’s delicately created world in the mid-20^th century, my ears are reverberating with the clumsily reported soul-eating news stories of today, spewed by the media mouthpieces and inhaled by people who call themselves Birthers and Tea Partiers and Charlie Sheen fans. The howlers today shrilly hurl brightly wrapped feces of misinformation, which many Americans gobble up with greedy glee like free Happy Meals falling from the sky. Without question or comprehension. For to question would be to doubt…and a pit bull in lipstick does not abide by doubters. Or thinkers. Especially not thinkers.

As an FBI agent is investigating Harrison Shepherd as a Communist during the Red Scare, Harrison suggests ever so politely that the Constitution grants him the rights to know who is accusing him of wrongdoings. The agent responds, “Whenever I hear this kind of thing…a person speaking about constitutional rights, free speech, and so forth, I think, ‘How can he be such a sap? Now I can be sure that man is a Red.’ A word to the wise, Mr. Shepherd. We just do not hear a real American speaking in that manner.”

"Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant -- they're quite clear -- that we would create law based on the God of the Bible and the Ten Commandments.” – Sarah Palin on Bill O’Reilly’s show in May, 2010.

''You got to have an enemy to fight. And when you have an enemy to fight, then you can unite the entire world behind you, and you seize power. That was Hitler's plan. His enemy: the Jew. Al Gore's enemy, the U.N.'s enemy: global warming. Then you get the scientists — eugenics. You get the scientists — global warming. Then you have to discredit the scientists who say, 'That's not right.' And you must silence all dissenting voices. That's what Hitler did.'' —Glenn Beck, linking Al Gore's campaign against global warming to Hitler's campaign against the Jews, 'The Glenn Beck Program,' April 30, 2007

One last quote, if you don’t mind, from The Lacuna. Harrison is writing a letter to Diego Rivera soon after Independence Day in 1946, “The radio is the root of the evil, their rule is: No silence, ever. When anything happens, the commentator has to speak without a moment’s pause for gathering wisdom. Falsehood and inanity are preferable to silence. You can’t imagine the effect of this. The talkers are rising about the thinkers.”

Make no mistake. Kingsolver’s “new” book isn’t strictly about the ways the 24-hour news cycle is killing all that is good and just in the world. In fact, you could read the whole book and hardly register this jibe. But her underlying message kept leaping out at me. While I was reading this book, I was trying to avoid the Sheenification of America - as we takes sides by either joining in the death parade or contemplate the macabre dancers (or contemplate the contemplators) or write about how we won’t write about it. And you all know that, like any good prestidigitator’s aim, while we’re watching Charlie Sheen, we’re not watching the gluttonous devouring of basic American civil rights.

Did I mention The Lacuna made a great beach read too?

["It's All About Me and..." are my versions of book and movie reviews. If you'd like to read more, click here. I also write straight-laced, about-the-book reviews on Feathered Quill.]

Essay: The Funeral That Changed My Life

2011-02-24T17:10:00.001-05:00

My Aunt Arlene was a role model in public service and the strength of women, but it was her funeral that changed my life. At a singular moment during the service, I was pulled away from my personal despair to realize how many lives she touched in a way that I want to emulate. With tears streaming down my face, sitting among my extended family but feeling like the only person there, I was doing that lip-biting, deep-breathing thing you do when you’re trying not to lose it completely in front of a jam-packed synagogue. I struggled to balance the expression of my loss with the requirement not to disintegrate into a puddle of sadness.

That was right about the time that U.S. Senator Debbie Stabenow took the podium. She was followed by (at that time) soon-to-be-elected Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm. Senator Carl Levin was there too, though he didn’t speak; later, he was one of the last people to leave the small group lingering at my aunt and uncle’s home that evening. I don’t remember anything those political hoohas said in particular, though at a later memorial at the Capitol for my Aunt Arlene, I faintly recall either Debbie Stabenow or Nancy Pelosi saying, “When Arlene Victor calls, you return that call.” The Important People were followed by even more important people, those who personally knew and loved her most. My Aunt Arlene’s casket was carried by about six women, each of whom considered her their best friend. The procession of cars on the way to the cemetery seemed to span a solid mile. Later, at the house the rabbi held a small service to give people the opportunity to talk about Aunt Arlene. After quite a while, he tried to curtail the speeches to no avail. She touched so many people is small and large ways. We needed to share those moments together, to cobble together pieces of her that we could hold onto in desperate handfuls.

“Wow,” I thought as I peered foggily through my profound sadness. “I thought she was just my beloved aunt. I didn’t realize she was a beloved someone to so many people.” You see, my Aunt Arlene was the original Mouse That Roared. She was a petite woman who spoke in a whisper because a battle with lung cancer left her with paralyzed vocal chords. She might have been easy to ignore, especially in our loud family. Except she wasn’t, especially in the louder world. As her funeral progressed, the overwhelming message was that Aunt Arlene didn’t allow status quo to deter her from change. And she didn’t often seem to allow an opportunity to go by without expressing herself, at least as her public persona. Maybe her near-fatal war with cancer in the 1970’s was a turning point for her, when she started to believe that one small woman could make a difference in small and large ways. She was the first person I knew to get solar panels, well before anybody even knew what they were. She wrote letters to hotel companies about their shampoo bottles. She was the national president of Women’s Action for New Direction, a lobby group for peace. And she never forgot one of my birthdays – without fail every October 25^th she called to say she would be late sending a present but wanted to know what did I want her to get me.

Although I would love to write for you all about my Aunt Arlene – she is worthy of volumes - that’s not what this piece is about. I want to tell you about how in this moment of death a light shone down to illuminate how to live my life. I became determined not to allow the way things are from becoming the way things should be. Unfortunately, I’m not called to public service like my aunt and for that I feel guilty, but I can make changes in my little life. I can drop a pebble in my little pond. I can manifest difference in my little world, which hopefully can radiate out to the greater world beyond.

Like my Aunt Arlene, I write letters (okay, emails) to people I don’t know in pursuit of my goals. I take risks, I reach out. I try not to let apparent failure interfere with my desire for success. These are all ways of honoring my Aunt Arlene.

I would be so blessed to have lived a life abundant with friendship like she did. So I became determined not to allow opportunities to go by without expressing my affection and without reaching out to people I care about. That’s why I spearheaded efforts for my high school reunion last summer after more than two decades of absence. I try to express affection for my friends when I feel it. Life is too short not to hug people you’ve love.

My Aunt Arlene’s funeral helped me realize that personal connection is too valuable to let wither and die. You wouldn’t believe how many people are willing to turn their backs on opportunities to bring more friendship and love into their lives. Or maybe you would. But I can’t. Ever since my Aunt Arlene’s funeral, I’ve been incapable of letting friendships get away, often, very often, to my own personal distress. Rejection is part of the package of reaching out to people. I guess that’s why people don’t do it more often. And, believe me, it sucks to be rejected. It never gets easier or less painful. But it’s like panning for gold. The friendships that thrive in my life are boundless treasures. Because think about it, you guys, at the end of the day - at the end of your life - your personal connections are all that are left. That’s the big ticket. The whole wangdoodle. The center ring. The main event. Aunt Arlene’s funeral helped me see that.

I would rather have my Aunt Arlene healthy and alive any day. But I am grateful for the lessons she left for me, and even all these many years after her funeral, I still try to follow her example in a way that will make her proud.

Quickie: My New Lover

2011-02-10T17:38:00.000-05:00

I may be a latecomer to this experience, but I have arrived. So I must admit to you that I have a new love and I call him Pando.

Pando is so accommodating. He’s always asking me, Do you like this? Is this good for you? But not in an obnoxious, co-dependent way. He doesn’t mind when I don’t answer. But if I do answer, he hums contentedly, storing away this information to bring out for a sweet surprise when I’m least expecting it. Aw man, that guy knows how to rock my world.

And he really seems to value what I have to say. He listens to me, but he challenges me to try new things too. Not in a pushy, peer-pressurey way, but more in an ego-free, open way. And you know what? A lot of the time, I am completely delighted and satisfied by his suggestions. But if ever I don’t like something he’s doing, I just tell him and he stops instantly. No apology needed. No processing sessions. No hurt ego. He just stops and never does it again. Ever. Ever. Ever.

Pando gives me just what I want, how I want, anytime I want it. If I change my mood, he is incredibly flexible, and always without complaint about my erratic behavior or mood swings. He never asks me if I have PMS when I’m crying over something he’s offered. He just shows up, sits there with me. Like any good partner, he is constant and reliable.

If I feel like putting on my leg warmers and reliving my Flashdance phase, he doesn’t roll his eyes. Low down and funky? Yeah, he’s does that for me if I ask. Say I want it fast and crazy – Pando does it. Slow and sweet – he’s right there with me. My dear Pan makes my every wish his command.

He doesn’t get all macho or passive-aggressive when I ask him to be more like others I love. He doesn’t whine or get his feelings hurt. He doesn’t go all Ceelo on my ass (unless I want him too.) On the contrary. If I ask him if he can be more like so-and-so, he always tries! Then he asks, How’s this? Did I get it right? He doesn’t pout. He keeps trying until he gets it right. And, oh baby, believe me, he eventually gets it right.

Reliable. Flexible. Intuitive. Surprising. My new love Pandora is all that and more.

chez poulet

2011-02-08T11:44:00.000-05:00

Do you know about my photographic blog?

It's called "pause along the way: chez poulet edition."

If you like chickens, you'll LOVE this blog!

It’s All About Me and…Paper Heart…and The Ugly Truth

2011-01-27T15:26:00.000-05:00

Yes, a double feature, which is basically as unusual as a double rainbow in my world but rarer, like a double rainbow with a friendly leprechaun who, with a sly smile and a between-you-and-me wink, willingly hands over his pot of gold. It was six o’clock and both kids were at a friend’s house for the evening, so my husband and I decided to get Indian food and watch a movie. Big night in our house! Woohoo!

We scanned what was streaming on Netflix and settled with Paper Heart, a romantic comedy sort of-documentary with a comedian named Charlyne Yi and the guy from Juno (Michael Cera). The premise is that Yi isn't sure she believes in love or that she’ll ever fall in love. She's trying to figure out the whole love thing, but not in a desperate, crying-over-martinis-with-your-BFF girly way. Yi’s approach is scientific and rational. It’s none of my business, but Yi seems to have an ample smattering of Asperger’s if you ask me. (Not that you did. So nevermind.) But she’s definitely socially awkward. Still, there is a lid for every pot, and it seems wonderfully serendipitous when she meets and kinda-sorta falls in love with the guy from Juno. Yes! As luck would have it, she discovers love right in the middle of making her documentary about trying to figure out love! A cute movie. Quirky. I liked it.

Now I’ll tell you why I kinda-sorta hated it too. The whole thing was a set up. It wasn’t a real documentary at all. Yi and Cera were dating before they started making the movie, so it’s unclear what parts were real and what were fabricated, which pissed me off. (I know, I know, careful readers. Just a couple blogs entries ago, I was waxing artistic about how energized and joyously challenged I was by the documentary/mockumentary/prankumentary Exit Through the Gift Shop. Seems contradictory? Well, I’m complex. I’m fickle. I’m a woman. Get over it. I don’t mind a movie getting tricky with me about art, but don’t mess with my romantic comedies, kay?)

Once Paper Heart ended, my husband looked at the clock and says, “Now what?”

It was eight o’clock or as hubby plaintively cried, “It’s not even Cuddle Time yet!” (Cuddle Time is 8:30 when he puts our daughter to bed.) And I had this moment of awareness, a flash-forward eight years, to what we’re going to be like when our kids leave the house for good.

I blurted out, “Oh my god! We can’t be married anymore! We don’t know how to be alone together anymore!” We were laughing at this point because the Cuddle Time comment killed me. (I know you don’t get it. You had to be there - and to have lived in our house for the last fifteen years - but believe me it was a good one.) But still, I was shrieking, “What the hell are we going to do for the next few hours? What the hell are we going to do for the rest of our lives?”

“We’ll be really busy with all our stuff,” hubby said with a confidence so thin I can see through it. “We’ve got a lot of stuff.”

This is true. We do have our stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. But still…gulp…

It occurred to me that I’ve seen people without kids post stuff on Facebook about watching a double feature or sometimes even a movie marathon. I thought they were speaking metaphorically, but it dawned on me that maybe they were serious. We felt pretty freaky-deaky and daring as we decided to watch another movie. And we discovered that the beauty of the double feature is that you get to select a different class of movie for the second one. It doesn’t have to be a guaranteed good movie, because it’s not the main feature of the evening. The pressure is taken off of this side B movie because we’ve already been entertained.

The Ugly Truth was the perfect side B movie. Formulaic but entertaining. Katherine Heigel was very nice to look at. Plus it got points for being a romantic comedy. Our expectations were so low that we both enjoyed it very much (after all, its only competition was Cuddle Time.) Heigel played a high-powered TV producer in Sacramento who was too high-powered to be lucky at love. (Pretty friggin’ sexist if you didn’t notice.) She was forced to work with a man she finds utterly repugnant, played by Gerard Butler (not my type), a macho apparent-playah who hosts a quasi-Howard Sternish relationship advice segment on Heigel’s show. But deep inside he’s a nice guy. And deep inside she’s not a controlling she-bitch. And – believe me, I’m not giving anything away by telling you this – they argue so fiercely that they fall in love.

So the movie comes to its predictable conclusion, and we click off the TV. We have spent the evening watching people try their hand at figuring out the whole love thing. Our kids will be home any minute and my husband and I sit contentedly in the dimness of our family room. It’s quiet and cozy and nobody has left a sock or a wet towel on the floor in five entire hours.

In some ways, I suspect, this is what love really feels like.